


Stolen Soul

by kimberly_a



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Angst, Bodyswap, F/M, Loneliness, Rejection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-08
Updated: 2013-03-08
Packaged: 2017-12-04 16:26:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 36,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/712716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimberly_a/pseuds/kimberly_a
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kikyo uses a spell to exchange bodies with Kagome, leaving Kagome stuck in the dead shell and Kikyo comfortably human. In the aftermath, Inu-Yasha faces difficult choices. Not very Kikyo-friendly. (Rating for swearing and one scene of dog-demon vs. wolf-demon violence.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Take My Hand

**Author's Note:**

> This story is set vaguely after volume 16 of the manga, so that should give you an idea of where we are in the larger story. Kikyo has killed the monk who discovered she was devouring souls in order to stay "alive." Kikyo has taunted and dismissed Kagome (and described her as Kikyo and Naraku's "greatest nuisance"). She has paralyzed Kagome so she had to watch Kikyo kiss Inu-Yasha right in front of her. She has tried to drag Inu-Yasha into hell (again, while Kagome was forced to watch). She has tried to kill Kagome (and then lied about it to Inu-Yasha). And she has stolen the jewel and given it to Naraku. That's about all that has happened with Kikyo at this point.
> 
> As you may have guessed based on the description above, this story will not portray Kikyo very sympathetically. So, if you are particularly fond of the dead miko, you most likely won't enjoy this story and should probably look for other fic more to your taste. I have some sympathy for Kikyo at this point in the story, but not a lot. She gets better later, yes, but this story is set early in the manga.
> 
> Oh, also, though I have seen some of the anime, I am primarily familiar with _Inu-Yasha_ through the Viz-translated manga, so I will be using spellings and terminology as they appear in the books.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Japanese Terms Used in this Chapter**  
>  hanyou -- a half-demon, such as Inu-Yasha, who has one demon parent and one human parent  
> miko -- a shrine maiden or priestess at a Shinto shrine -- mikos are unmarried and expected to remain chaste to keep their powers strong -- Kikyo was a miko before her death

Deep in the darkness of the forest, two women of magic conversed in a wretched hut far beyond the hearing of any village.

"You are certain that this is the spell, old woman?"

"Yes. You must grind the herbs and spread them upon your skin. When your skin touches another, the spell will take effect."

The miko remained silent a long moment, gazing out at the night. "Very well," she said coldly, without turning to look at the hag. "Then you have your payment. Money is meaningless to me. Take it." And with those words, the miko cast a handful of copper coins upon the floor and walked silently from the hut.

The old woman called after her, "The spell shall only work if your power is great!"

Without turning to acknowledge this warning, the miko answered only, "My power was never in question."

* * *

Several miles away, Inu-Yasha sat high in a tree, his long white hair flowing in the night breeze while he watched over his traveling companions who slept around the fire below. They'd traveled far that day, and everyone was tired. The others had fallen asleep quickly, but Inu-Yasha himself had not found rest so easily.

As he looked out at the darkened forest, Inu-Yasha suddenly caught a glimpse of something flowing and writhing between the trees. Soul skimmers! Two of Kikyo's servant demons glowed between the trees, seeming to beckon for Inu-Yasha to follow them, and of course he did.

Kagome lay quietly awake in her sleeping bag near the fire, watching his red-and-white form vanish into the forest to follow Kikyo's harbingers. _Of course he would go to her. He always does_.

Inu-Yasha didn't return for hours, until the coming sunrise was beginning to slightly lighten the midnight blue of the sky, but Kagome was still awake to see him leap once more into a nearby tree and gaze moodily out at the sky as it brightened.

_Did he see Kikyo? Is he thinking about her right now? Did she try to suck him into hell again?_

_Does he still love her, in spite of everything?_

Unable to silence the thoughts that plagued her, Kagome restlessly tossed and turned for a long time before she finally fell asleep.

Glancing down at the girl when her breathing finally evened out, Inu-Yasha sighed, and his eyes were sad. He had not been able to find Kikyo in the forest, but by leaving to follow the soul skimmers he knew he had hurt Kagome again.

How long could it go on like this?

* * *

The next day, Kagome's eyes were deeply shadowed and she was clearly exhausted from lack of sleep, trudging clumsily along behind her companions as they continued on in search of any news about jewel shards. Inu-Yasha, too, was more distant than usual. When Kagome stumbled out of tiredness, he took her pack and carried it himself, but he otherwise seemed lost in thought. _He's thinking about Kikyo, of course,_ sighed Kagome to herself. _No matter what she does, he still loves her. Even after she tried to kill me!_

Casting concerned glances at Kagome as the day wore on, Sango at length suggested that they stop to camp near a hot spring, knowing that bathing would give her an excuse to get the girl alone to talk. Though the suggestion meant they would not travel as far as they otherwise might before nightfall, Inu-Yasha did not object. Sango and Miroku exchanged a confused, concerned glance.

What was going on with these two?

When the girls left with their bathing materials, Inu-Yasha immediately leapt into a tree and ignored Miroku's attempts to engage him in conversation. But Sango had better luck at the hot spring.

"So Kikyo was nearby last night?" Sango was more concerned with finding out what was bothering her friend than she was with bathing. The two girls sat in water up to their shoulders, their dark hair floating along the surface of the water as they faced each other.

"It just hurts so much when he goes to her," Kagome admitted with tears in her eyes. "Especially when all she wants to do is take him to hell. How can he still love her when she wants to kill him?"

Sango gently touched her friend's shoulder to offer comfort. "Inu-Yasha is difficult to understand. But I think perhaps he believes that he **deserves** to die with her. He seems to feel responsible for her death, despite all we have learned of Naraku."

They were both quiet for a long time, the only sound coming from the wind in the trees and the gentle lapping of the water.

"Sango," Kagome said softly, "I've kept something from Inu-Yasha. Something about Kikyo." Kagome's eyes were wide and vulnerable, her face clearly showing her torn emotions about whether to share or keep her secret.

"What is it, Kagome?" Sango asked gently, not wanting to discourage the girl when it looked as if she might finally explain what was causing her so much pain. "You know that I will keep your secret if you wish, though if this is something that affects the safety of the group, you should perhaps tell Inu-Yasha."

Kagome looked down at the water, moving her hands slowly below the surface in an effort to gather her thoughts and courage. Without looking at Sango, she admitted quietly, "It doesn't affect the safety of the group. Just me."

"It affects **your** safety, Kagome?" Sango asked, suddenly much more concerned, now that a threat had been acknowledged. "What has happened?"

Kagome lifted her head and looked apologetically into Sango's eyes, for she felt guilty that she had kept such a secret from her friend. "Kikyo tried to kill me once."

Sango's eyes grew wide and worried. "Kikyo tried to kill you? When? Why have you not told Inu-Yasha?"

Kagome looked away again, this time out at the forest that surrounded them, and she sighed softly. "It was when she stole the jewel. She was trying to kill me ... but then Inu-Yasha showed up. Kikyo lied and said she'd only been taking the shards ... and when Inu-Yasha asked me what had happened ... I just felt like I would be tattling on her if I told him the truth."

"So did you lie to him?" Sango asked in surprise. Kagome was normally honest to a fault, and lying seemed very unlike her.

Kagome shook her head. "I didn't lie. I just ... didn't tell him. He never asked again."

Both girls were quiet in thought for a long moment, and then Kagome added very quietly, "And it just hurts so bad to know that he loves her, even after she tried to kill me."

"But he doesn't know, Kagome!" Sango insisted in the hanyou's defense.

Smiling sadly, Kagome replied, "I really don't think it would make any difference."

* * *

Later that evening, they had all finished dinner and were relaxing in the twilight when suddenly Shippo asked, "Kagome, are you really Kikyo's reincarnation?"

Everyone turned to stare at Shippo, their eyes wide and their faces showing varying expressions of shock. Inu-Yasha looked murderous, whereas Miroku looked mostly amused. Kagome and Sango both looked concerned about an imminent explosion from a certain hanyou.

"What?" the little fox demon asked defensively. "I'm just curious." He'd heard part of the girls' conversation at the hot spring ... luckily not enough to frighten him for Kagome's safety, but still enough to set his young mind racing with questions.

Growling a warning, Inu-Yasha extended his clawed hands toward Shippo, who yelped and leapt onto Kagome's shoulder for protection, sticking his tongue out at Inu-Yasha from his safe perch. Inu-Yasha turned his back grumpily.

While Kagome's slightly shaking hands pulled her sleeping bag and some food from her knapsack, Shippo asked more quietly, "If she's you, then how come you're so nice and she's so mean?"

But Inu-Yasha's sensitive ears caught the kit's words, and he whipped his head around to shoot the fox-child a dark glare. With a muttered curse, the hanyou strode from the clearing and into the forest, beyond his companions' sight, giving no indication of when he might return, or whether he planned to join them for dinner. For all Kagome knew, he could have leapt high into the trees and traveled miles away by now.

With a sigh, Kagome petted Shippo's head and chided gently, "You know how much it bothers him to hear anyone talk about Kikyo, Shippo. That wasn't very kind of you."

"But no one ever tells me anything, and it's all really confusing! I don't understand!" Shippo's big blue eyes were filling with tears.

Kagome pulled the kit into her lap and stroked his fur soothingly. At the mention of Kikyo, her own feelings had been thrown once again into turmoil, as well, though she hid it better than Inu-Yasha. But then, of course, she was only Kikyo's replacement, while Inu-Yasha was actually still in **love** with the miko.

Kagome's eyes were filled with sorrow as she watched the trees where Inu-Yasha had vanished only moments before. "I don't really understand it all, either, Shippo."

* * *

It was several minutes after Inu-Yasha's abrupt departure that Kagome noticed two soul skimmers twining between the trees in the near distance. Was that where Inu-Yasha had gone, to meet with Kikyo again? Was she even now drawing him down into hell?

Standing, Kagome said, "Sango, stay with Shippo? I'll be right back." Behind her, Sango opened her mouth as if to speak, but Kagome simply walked away toward the soul skimmers. Something seemed to be pulling at her, drawing her forward, compelling her to follow the strange insect-like demons she had come to dislike so much because of what they signified: Kikyo.

When her feet led her just beyond sight of the camp and her friends, Kagome saw Kikyo waiting among the trees, glowing faintly and looking both serene and sad, as always. And so beautiful. Even Kagome could see how lovely she was, though it sent a shamed pang of jealousy through her heart.

"Kikyo, where is Inu-Yasha?" Kagome asked determinedly, trying to hide her other emotions behind her very real concern for him.

But the miko only smiled very slightly and said coolly, "It is not Inu-Yasha whom I seek."

Kagome tilted her head in confusion, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Not looking for Inu-Yasha? But then why would Kikyo be here?

"It is you," Kikyo explained as if to a small child. "I have come to this place seeking **you**."

Kagome's eyes narrowed with suspicion. "Why?" she demanded. "Why are you looking for me? And where is Inu-Yasha? What have you done with him?" _What is Kikyo hiding? Something isn't right here. Where is Inu-Yasha? Why would she be looking for **me**? Something seriously strange is going on!_

Shaking her elegant head slightly, sending her long black hair cascading into waves of shimmering movement, Kikyo replied impassively, "I have done nothing to the hanyou. I have come to speak with you, for it seems that you do not understand your own place in these events."

This caught Kagome's attention, and she peered at the other woman with a combination of curiosity and caution. "What do you mean ... 'my place in these events'?"

Kikyo beckoned gracefully, urging the girl closer to her before continuing. "I know that you are aware of Inu-Yasha's love for me. Yet you follow him about, perhaps in the hope that his heart shall alter its course. Why do you hurt yourself so?"

This was not what Kagome had been expecting to hear, and the anger left her in a rush, almost as if she had been punched in the stomach. Okay, so Kikyo was being mean ... but the reason it hurt so much was because she was sort of telling the truth, too. Kagome bit her lip and proudly tried not to let Kikyo see the pain her words had caused.

"He has sworn to protect me, to avenge me, and to remain by my side even in hell. He wished to spend his life with me, to raise children, to be my human husband, and was only prevented from making me his bride by the evil of Naraku. Were it not for Naraku, Inu-Yasha and I would have been long married and produced a family. This was what he wished, and what he now grieves."

Kagome could no longer meet Kikyo's eyes. Had the dead miko come here only to point out how very little Kagome meant to Inu-Yasha? She could have saved her breath, because Kagome was all too aware. Kikyo got avowals of eternal love ... and Kagome was lucky to get the occasional comment that she smelled good. And even then it was only when Inu-Yasha was delirious.

"There is little doubt," continued Kikyo, watching the girl carefully and noticing with grim satisfaction the weakening of her aura, "that if he were given the choice, Inu-Yasha would wish for **me** to be alive and human, instead of you. He would wish for **me** to be by his side, instead of you. If **banishing** you would allow him to be with me, I have little doubt that you would have been long ago discarded."

Kagome's head was lowered now, her hair hanging forward to hide her face as tears streamed freely from her eyes. Had Kikyo come only to taunt her? It was so cruel! _Or is she going to try to kill me again? But why all the torture first? And why do I feel so ... sluggish? Almost like I can't move away. And why doesn't that bother me? It's like I'm in a dream. What's going on here?_

"But we share the same soul, girl, and I feel your pain. Come, take my hand, for in many ways we are one." Kagome slowly lifted her head, surprised. After wounding her so effectively with her words, why would the miko ask such a thing?

Kikyo continued, her voice low and soothing, "It is not I who spurns you, after all, but Inu-Yasha himself. I am not your enemy, girl. Take my hand, and know my true heart."

Still feeling suspicious, Kagome hesitated, but her aura had been weakened by her pain, and she found herself helplessly moving toward Kikyo as if drawn by some force she could not resist. Her feet carried her forward almost of their own volition, and her eyes were dreamy and confused as they watched that beautiful, serene face. Soon, Kagome stood only inches away from the priestess.

"Take my hand, child," urged Kikyo. "Take my hand and know."

Kagome's hand lifted slowly from her side, extending out toward Kikyo's body. Kikyo too extended a graceful, delicate hand. And when their palms touched, a flash of light blinded them both, filling the forest as if it were day.

And in the center of that flash of light, Kagome screamed and collapsed to the ground.

* * *

Sango and Miroku arrived only seconds after the light flash, and were horrified to see Kagome lying senseless upon the ground with Kikyo looming over her.

"What did you do to her?" shouted Sango, pulling forward her boomerang with every intention of attacking the miko regardless of what danger Kikyo's powers might present. Kagome was Sango's friend, and no one had the right to hurt her! Inu-Yasha might have been so blinded as to let Kikyo endanger Kagome, but Sango felt no hesitation where the miko was concerned. She stood ready for battle.

Miroku ran to kneel at Kagome's side and was frightened to find her aura so weakened and disturbed. "I know not what has happened here this night," he spoke firmly, "but Lady Kagome is in need of care and we must take her away." Turning to glare up at Kikyo, he added threateningly, "If you make any effort to harm her further, or to impede us in our passage, we shall spare no effort in destroying you."

Kikyo watched them with strangely emotional eyes filled with panicked fear and confusion. But the others did not see, and if they had seen they would certainly not have understood.

"Leave this place, miko!" hissed Sango angrily, moving to join Miroku at the unconscious Kagome's side. "Leave and do not return unless you wish to die for a second time."

Miroku and Sango lifted Kagome between them and carried her back toward the campsite, ignoring the undead miko who lingered behind.

"You guys?" she whispered as they walked away. "What's going on?"

But when a wild-eyed Sango began to turn back with her boomerang raised, the soul skimmers returned of a sudden to rescue their mistress, twining themselves around her and lifting her into the air to remove her from danger.

And through the eyes of Kikyo, flying through the air in the grip of the soul skimmers, a bewildered Kagome watched her friends walk away below her ... carrying the person they called "Kagome." 

The person who looked like her ... but wasn't.


	2. Take My Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this story gets sometimes confusing, since Kagome is in Kikyo's body and Kikyo is in Kagome's body. I'll do my best to be clear about who is doing what. _Italics_ indicate thoughts throughout the story.

Kagome's body was still limp and unresponsive when Miroku and Sango reached the campsite. Miroku was gently laying Kagome's unconscious body upon her sleeping bag when Inu-Yasha leapt into the clearing, Tetsusaiga drawn. His ragged breathing was evidence of how quickly he had raced back after he heard Kagome's scream resonating across such a great distance.

"What happened?" Inu-Yasha demanded, scanning the surrounding area for what danger had caused Kagome's distress. Then, noticing how still she was, he barked, "What's wrong with Kagome?" and when no one answered quickly enough his voice grew even louder and more worried. "Tell me! What happened to Kagome?"

Miroku and Sango were still searching for words to explain the situation when a trembling lump beneath the foot of Kagome's sleeping bag whimpered, "Is Kagome okay?"

Miroku moved Kagome's limp body slightly to give Shippo more room to come out into the open, and the fox-child emerged still shaking. "I was so afraid!" he admitted, his eyes wide and filled with tears. "I wanted to go save Kagome, but I hid instead." Shippo hung his fluffy head in shame, sniffing tearfully.

Shippo's words only made Inu-Yasha more angry. _I should have been here to protect her,_ he ranted to himself silently. _I shouldn't have left her alone like that and just run off. This is all my fault._ "What happened?" Inu-Yasha roared impatiently, his claws flexing without him even realizing it. He sheathed Tetsusaiga, certain now that the danger, whatever it was, had passed. _I should have been here!_

Standing beside Kagome's sleeping bag, where Miroku still knelt in his effort to analyze the girl's strangely damaged aura, Sango told Inu-Yasha firmly, "We are not sure what happened, Inu-Yasha. Kagome was not with us, but we ran to her when we heard her scream. When we arrived, Kagome was collapsed like this, and she has not yet spoken or even regained consciousness."

"What do you mean she wasn't with you?" growled Inu-Yasha, pacing and glancing anxious glances at Kagome's slack face. "And bouzu! Keep your hands off her, you lecher!"

Looking up solemnly from his task, Miroku said, "I assure you, Inu-Yasha, that I am only tending to Lady Kagome's aura."

Inu-Yasha stopped pacing, standing and staring at the monk in surprise. "Her ... aura? But what's wrong with her aura?" He stepped closer and crouched on the other side of Kagome's sleeping bag, peering at her face with obvious concern.

"Her aura is severely weakened," explained the monk, "as if she has been drained by some powerful outside source ... or perhaps had performed some very strenuous spell which had depleted her powers. This weakness of her aura is, almost certainly, why she has not yet wakened."

Inu-Yasha's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Someone drained Kagome's aura?" Suddenly, he glanced back and forth between Sango and Miroku and accused, "You never said what happened here. Who did this to Kagome?"

Sango and Miroku exchanged uneasy glances before Sango replied simply, "It was Kikyo, Inu-Yasha. She was with Kagome when we found her."

Inu-Yasha would have been embarrassed at how clearly his emotions of confusion and dismay showed on his face. "K-Kikyo?" he repeated softly, disbelievingly. _Would she really harm Kagome? Has Kikyo changed that much? She has reason to hate me, but ... Kagome is innocent in this. Kikyo has no reason to harm her. Surely Kikyo wouldn't do such a thing, even as she is now. Her hatred is for me ... she has no reason to harm anyone but me and Naraku. They must be wrong. Kikyo wouldn't do this._

"Maybe," Inu-Yasha murmured distractedly, "maybe they were attacked ... by a demon or something. Kikyo wouldn't do this. Kikyo wouldn't harm an innocent person."

Sango looked away for a moment, then down at Kagome's motionless face, sadly remembering what her friend had told her about Kikyo's previous attempt to harm her. _Should I tell them what Kagome said at the hot spring? But if Kagome wakes and I am wrong about what happened with Kikyo tonight, I will have broken her confidence for no reason._

Sango was still debating within her own mind what she should do when they were all suddenly surprised by the sound of a low moan ... as Kagome's eyes fluttered and opened.

* * *

The soul skimmers set Kikyo's body down soon after they had rescued her, and Kagome found herself lying on the forest floor near a softly burbling spring. Her body felt weak and her mind was confused, so she lay there a moment trying to get her bearings.

_Where am I? What happened? I remember that I was talking to Kikyo, and then everything turned strange. Why would her soul skimmers take me?_

And then Kagome suddenly remembered the last thing she had seen as she had risen into the air. _Miroku and Sango ... they were carrying me! But ... how could that be me, if I'm here?_

Trembling with growing panic, Kagome sat up, only then noticing that she was dressed in a miko's long loose trousers and white blouse. She ran her hands along the red and white fabric, her eyes growing wider with every moment. On hands and knees, she crept to the spring ... and then looked in to see her reflection, her long black hair hanging straight around her so that the edges floated upon the surface of the water.

 _I ... I'm ... I'm Kikyo!_ she thought in whirling confusion. _How can that be possible?_

Pulling back and sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest, Kagome tried to reason the situation out. _I must be dreaming!_ she decided. _How desperate can you get? Dreaming that I'm Kikyo? Dreaming that I'm the one Inu-Yasha loves? Well, that's plenty enough of this dream, thanks. Time to wake up now, Kagome! Wake up! Kagoooooommmme ... wake up, you stupid girl! Um ... okay ... well, then, is it time for the dream to switch to me being late for school? Forgot to study for the big test? Come on, that would be a lot less scary! Well, then, okay, if I have to dream I'm Kikyo, couldn't I at least get some of the fringe benefits, and have Inu-Yasha here to kiss me or something? But no. I have to be Kikyo all alone in the forest. What kind of dream is that? Freaky, that's what it is. And I want to WAKE UP now!_ Kagome pinched her upper arm, hard, and grimaced at the pain, but the scenery around her did not change. _Oh, gods, can't I please wake UP? Please please please please please?_

And then Kagome noticed something. Her heart wasn't beating.

No pulse. No sound inside her body at all. Complete silence. Her smooth, pale skin was the same temperature as the night air, supplying no warmth from within.

_Oh my god! I'm trapped inside a dead body! This is so creepy! Definitely a nightmare! Got to be a nightmare! Okay, Mom, come wake me up for school now. Please? Please? Oh my god. Oh my god. What if it's not a dream? What if ... What if I'm really here, and this is really real? What if I'm stuck like this? What did Kikyo **do** to me?_

Kagome felt tears spring to her eyes, and found herself marveling that Kikyo's body could still make tears. _So I'll be able to cry while I'm stuck like this. Oh goody. That just makes it all better._ But Kagome fought her tears in a bid to face the situation as bravely as possible. Surely there must be some solution to her problem, right?

In an instinctive belief that Inu-Yasha would protect her, would somehow make everything all right again -- in an instinctive desire to be close to the people who cared about her, the friends who had become almost like family -- Kagome stood in the unfamiliar body and began to walk in the direction she thought would lead her back to the campsite. It was the only thing she could think to do.

 _Inu-Yasha!_ she thought desperately as she walked. _Please help me! I'm so scared!_

* * *

Kagome's body on the sleeping bag was still only sluggishly beginning to wake when her friends around her noticed Kikyo's reappearance at the edge of the clearing.

Sango stood and wielded her boomerang, watching the miko's form closely. But Inu-Yasha walked forward, saying quietly, "Kikyo?"

The miko's eyes seemed to be begging him, pleading with him, and her voice emerged far more hesitantly than he had ever heard it before. "Inu-Yasha? Oh, Inu-Yasha ... I was so scared!"

He tilted his head curiously and asked, "Scared? Did something attack you and Kagome? What happened, Kikyo?"

But she then looked only confused, and perhaps a bit panicked.

And, behind him, Inu-Yasha heard Kagome's voice, colder than he had ever heard it before, say, "Kill her, Inu-Yasha."

Whipping his head around to see the girl sitting up slightly, leaning up on her elbows with her wavy hair spread all around her, Inu-Yasha could not help but gape at Kagome. What was she saying?

"Kill her," she repeated, impassively watching the miko's body at the edge of the clearing. "That body is nothing but a shell of dirt, filled with pain. If you care for me or for her, Inu-Yasha, you will kill her now."

As Inu-Yasha hesitated in his confusion, the miko's eyes filled with grief and pain. Trapped inside Kikyo's body, Kagome thought, _He's thinking about it! He would kill me because she asks him to. Even in my body, she is everything to him. I have never meant anything to Inu-Yasha. He only ever wanted her. And now she has my body. She's human. And they can be together. And he can be happy._

Before Inu-Yasha had even turned around, Kikyo's form had fled, the miko's body running with uncharacteristic panicked pain until the soul skimmers once again appeared to carry her away.

And back in the clearing, Inu-Yasha watched Kagome's face with narrowed eyes. "Kagome would never ask me to kill Kikyo," he ground out. "So who the fuck are you? And what have you done with Kagome?"


	3. More Precious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **New Terms Used in this Chapter**  
>  mudra \-- actually not originally a Japanese word, but used in multiple languages (including English) to describe a sacred hand position, such as the one Miroku uses regularly (particularly in the anime) when he's being calm, wise, or otherwise monk-like -- it's a way of bringing the hands together, with the fingers joining to form a triangular or other shape

"No, I am not the girl Kagome, Inu-Yasha. This body is merely a convenience." And with those words, Kagome's body rose to a standing position, wobbling slightly with weakness, so that Inu-Yasha instinctively dove forward to hold her by the upper arms to support her.

Kagome's lips smiled slightly. "So you **do** know me, Inu-Yasha."

But Inu-Yasha merely stared down at the beautiful girl in his arms, his golden eyes wide with confusion. This wasn't Kagome. That much was obvious. But ... the gray eyes that gazed up at him ... there was something so familiar about their expression ... and the aloof tone to her voice ... as if she were more than human ...

Inu-Yasha stared into those mysterious eyes for long moments, gripping Kagome's arms more and more firmly, unaware that his claws began to bite into her flesh until a slight flinch showed on her face and he abruptly released her, his jaw dropping with shock as she weakly sank to her knees upon the ground.

"K-K-Kikyo?" he whispered hesitantly, disbelieving.

"WHAT?" cried Sango, Miroku, and Shippo, who had hitherto been watching the interaction with silent concern. Suddenly, their faces crowded around Kagome's, peering at her as they talked so quickly that their words flowed over each other.

"That's impossible!"

"What did you to do Kagome?"

"Are you truly Lady Kikyo with Lady Kagome's appearance?"

"I want Kagome!"

"Where is Kagome? Have you harmed her?"

"This might explain the oddities I perceived in your aura."

"SHUT UP!" roared Inu-Yasha when he could take no more of the chaotic noise. His chest heaved with panting breaths, and he stared down at Kagome's face, which sported a very un-Kagome sly smile as she gazed up at him.

"Kikyo?" he repeated dazedly. "How is this possible? And where is Kagome?" Still convinced that the miko would not have harmed an innocent girl, Inu-Yasha waited to hear of the evil which had befallen them both, resulting in this strange circumstance.

"As I told you, Inu-Yasha," Kikyo said, showing no emotion as she spoke with Kagome's usually so expressive voice, "to kill her would have been a mercy. That body is filled with nothing but pain."

"What are you saying?" Inu-Yasha's mind was racing. _Kikyo's here, human, and she looks like Kagome. How is that possible? And where is Kagome? Is she hurt? What in all the hells is going on?_

With narrowed eyes, Sango stepped forward, watching Kikyo's deceptive form as if it were a particularly hideous demon. "Speak plainly, miko, and tell us what you have done with Kagome, for you are trying my patience." But Kikyo only smiled slightly and did not reply, keeping her eyes trained only upon Inu-Yasha.

Losing patience himself, Inu-Yasha growled, "Can anybody tell me what the FUCK is going on here?"

Miroku stepped forward, standing tall and watching Kikyo with cold eyes. "I believe that I may understand what the Lady Kikyo is trying to say. And it would also explain the disturbance I have sensed in her aura."

"Well? Spit it out, fucking bouzu!" Inu-Yasha's claws were flexing again with his impatience as his temper approached a dangerous point. He wasn't angry with Miroku himself, but the entire situation was pissing him off big time and such fine distinctions were beginning to blur.

Miroku brought his hands together before him to form a calming mudra before he spoke. "I believe that -- unlikely as it may seem -- Lady Kikyo may be implying that Kagome is ... in the form Kikyo previously held. That Kagome now looks as Kikyo did before."

Everyone watched him in silence, confusion and disbelief on every face but one, the one which looked like Kagome but was not.

Miroku closed his eyes and said simply, "It would appear that Lady Kikyo and Lady Kagome have somehow ... exchanged bodies."

Shaking his head, his white mane flying about him, Inu-Yasha shouted, "FUCK THIS SHIT!", scooped Kagome's body up under one arm, and leapt out into the darkness of the forest.

Sango, Miroku, and Shippo stood huddled together near the fire in the center of their campsite, watching the blackness into which Inu-Yasha had just vanished, their mouths agape.

A moment later, the silence was broken by the crash of Sango's boomerang upon Miroku's head and the monk's cry of pain.

"Miroku, only YOU would think about groping at a time like this!"

* * *

When Inu-Yasha had gotten far enough from the campsite that he felt certain that he no longer had an audience, he landed lightly in a small clearing and set Kikyo gently upon her -- or, rather, Kagome's -- feet. It was all so confusing!

"Do not take such liberties with this body again, Inu-Yasha. The girl may have allowed you to grab her body and carry her about, but **I** have dignity."

"Hey!" exclaimed Inu-Yasha, blushing brightly. "Kagome has plenty of dignity! And I wasn't **grabbing** your body ... I just wanted to get away where it was quiet, so you can explain what's going on!"

"Regardless, Inu-Yasha, do not handle this body so familiarly again." Kikyo's voice was haughty, her face smoothly expressionless, save for the narrowing of her eyes. Seeing and hearing such scorn from Kagome's body was driving Inu-Yasha crazy with confusion. He could no longer trust even his nose, for she still smelled like Kagome, too.

"What happened to you, Kikyo? How did you end up in Kagome's body?" Inu-Yasha stood facing her, his golden eyes filled with concern.

Sinking to sit upon the ground, for her limbs still trembled with the weakness resulting from the magics, Kikyo explained, "It was a powerful spell. I am now in possession of this human body, as well as the larger portion of my soul. It is as it should be, Inu-Yasha. We can now work together to defeat Naraku, and then marry as we had planned."

Inu-Yasha choked, his eyes growing wide. "Marry?"

Kikyo's eyes narrowed. "Did you not promise to use the jewel to become human, Inu-Yasha, and spend your life with me as your bride?"

"Well, yeah..." Inu-Yasha raised one hand to scratch the back of his head nervously. "But I didn't think you wanted that anymore. You said you only wanted to see me dead." What kind of strange world was this, where he was reminding Kikyo that she wanted to kill him instead of marry him? But this all just didn't make sense!

"The dead want only one thing, Inu-Yasha: to walk among the living once more." Kikyo rose to her feet again, Kagome's body housing her awkwardly, as if she would need to lay claim to it more fully before it would feel natural. "When I believed this to be impossible, I found another goal to wish for. But this living human body gives me the chance that Naraku stole from me: to live again."

Stepping forward carefully, her feet unused to the girl's odd shoes and socks, not to mention the indecently short skirt, Kikyo drew near to Inu-Yasha, pressing her palms to the red cloth covering his chest. "You once said, Inu-Yasha, that it was my spirit you loved, and not my appearance. Do you find me so disgusting in this body?"

Inu-Yasha's heart pounded in his chest. Having Kagome so close to him was unfamiliar and intoxicating -- he had only hugged her a couple of times, and she had never been so forward as Kikyo was being -- but his mind was still awhirl. This **wasn't** Kagome. It was Kikyo. Kikyo, human again, wanting to be with him. Some part of him felt that he should be happy, but another part felt that this was all very wrong.

As Inu-Yasha opened his mouth to speak, however, Kikyo pressed even closer, and touched her parted lips to his, her arms sliding up to slip under his hair and wind around his neck. Inu-Yasha's eyes flew open, large and round, but he did not struggle against her embrace.

The feel of Kagome's body against him, the taste of her lips, her gentle scent surrounding him, her arms holding him close ... he had dreamed of this for so long, had wanted it, but had thought the day would never come. He knew he had no right to ask anything from her, when her place was in the future and his soul was damned to follow Kikyo to hell.

But now ... now it was finally happening ... Kagome was kissing him ... her lips were so soft and warm ... and it was wonderful ... except that she **wasn't**. It was **Kikyo** instead of Kagome who was kissing him ... and Inu-Yasha felt suddenly dirty, as if he were using Kagome's innocent body while she slept. He jerked abruptly away, pulling Kikyo's arms down from around his neck and stepping away from her.

"My powers are greater than hers, Inu-Yasha," Kikyo purred, her wrists still held in his strong hands. "She did not have my training. Now that I have more than that pathetic sliver of a soul, my power is even stronger than before. We can find the shards of the jewel and defeat Naraku together, finally take revenge for all he has done to us."

Inu-Yasha shook his head slightly, as if trying to clear his mind. Kikyo kept confusing him, keeping him from asking the questions he wanted to ask. Her words made sense, but they also seemed to lead him away from his own thoughts. Just as when she had nearly pulled him to hell with her while Kagome watched, Kikyo lulled him with her power, putting him into a sort of trance in which he was helpless against her. The strength of her magic, combined with the depths of his guilt, formed a force difficult to overcome.

But Inu-Yasha fought the daze her words created within his mind, raising both hands to clutch his temples, his head lowering and his hair falling forward. "No," he muttered, then looked up to meet Kikyo's eyes. Kagome's gray eyes, with Kikyo's coldness looking out at him.

"Where is Kagome?" he repeated insistently.

"Is that girl more precious to you than I am, Inu-Yasha?" asked Kikyo sadly, the sound and taste of her sorrowful disappointment filling the air like a cloud.

Inu-Yasha blinked repeatedly, rubbing his eyes and shaking his head. What was going on here?

"Has your love for me waned, Inu-Yasha? Do you betray your promises?" Kikyo had stepped close to him once more, her face looking up at him from so near that she could almost kiss him again.

"Kikyo..." Inu-Yasha murmured in confusion and dismay, "I would never betray you." She huddled closer to him, pressing herself to his body, and his arms surrounded her instinctively, holding her tightly so that her body was almost hidden by his wide sleeves. "Kikyo," he sighed, lowering his head to inhale the scent of her hair.

His head jerking up again, Inu-Yasha gasped. "Kagome!" He had recognized her familiar scent immediately, drawing him back to himself and his worry for the girl from the future. "Kikyo, where is Kagome? Do you know? What happened to her?"

Pulling away in defeated acceptance, Kikyo replied in a rare moment of honesty, "The monk was correct. She now inhabits the body of grave dirt and bone. But you should not worry about her, Inu-Yasha, for the pain of that tiny portion of soul will absorb her until she lives nothing but hatred and a lust for vengeance. The girl is lost. But I can help your quest in her place."

"Fuck that!" growled Inu-Yasha, the last traces of trance fading. "If Kagome is in trouble, then we're going to find her!"

Kikyo's eyes narrowed, but she held her tongue. There would be other opportunities to change Inu-Yasha's mind. The fool did not, after all, even realize that she had performed the spell herself.

* * *

After Kikyo's soul skimmers had rescued Kagome for the second time, they carried her far through the air, far enough that Kagome lost all sense of direction. At last, they lowered her gently into the smooth wide branches of a giant oak tree, where she lay weeping as the serpentine demons departed to leave her alone.

 _Inu-Yasha abandoned me, discarded me just like Kikyo said he would,_ Kagome thought to herself. _I was so sure he would help me, but he was going to kill me! Just because Kikyo told him to!_

The tears that rolled down her cheeks felt real, but the body was dead. She knew that. She was stuck inside a dead body. Maybe forever. In fact, maybe she was actually dead now. It was all so complicated!

The soul skimmers returned, bearing bright souls in their clutches, hovering around Kikyo's weakening body. _But I'm not Kikyo! I don't care what I look like. I don't care if I'm dead. I'm not Kikyo! I'm Kagome! Ka-go-me! I'm still me, no matter what!_

One of the soul skimmers released the soul it had brought, which then floated near to Kagome in her body made of clay and bone. The soul slowly sank into her cupped hands, where she held it gently.

"Hello, little soul," murmured Kagome sadly. "You're dead, too. Just like me. But you can go to heaven. It's where you belong. I don't belong anywhere anymore, but you do. So go, little soul ... go up to heaven where you belong." And with those words, Kagome lifted her hands to nudge the soul upward, sending it soaring into the sky and out of sight. She watched the sky until the soul's light was no longer visible, and then she looked around at the soul skimmers weaving in and out of the tree branches around her.

"I won't be taking any souls, you guys, so you can just stop bringing them. I don't care if it means I'll die, but I'm NOT gonna trap other people's souls in order to stay alive. Kikyo might do that, but I'm not her. I'm Kagome!"

 _Yeah, I'm Kagome,_ she thought to herself as she lay back again upon the branches of the tree, watching the soul skimmers slowly writhe out of sight, leaving her as she had insisted. _I'm the one Inu-Yasha **doesn't** love. The one who's stupid enough to help him even when all he ever does is insult me and run off to meet with Kikyo._

Her eyes filling with tears again, Kagome climbed out of the tree and looked around her. "I'm all alone," she whispered into the silent darkness of the forest. "All alone."

And so the false body's tiny sliver of soul devoted only to pain began its work. The pain which had twisted into hatred in the heart of Kikyo ... began to transform into a deep grief in the heart of Kagome. Where Kikyo's desire for vengeance had defied all logic and reason, so Kagome's belief that she had been cast out began to grow and blossom and take over her mind.

And though the emotion gendered by their pain was different, the sharp bitterness of its flavor was not.

Her body noticeably weaker, most likely due to her refusal to absorb the innocent souls brought to her by Kikyo's demon servants, Kagome began walking, the long miko trousers a bit awkward, but manageable. A light breeze stirred her long black hair, its straightness and silky texture joltingly unfamiliar when it brushed her cheek. _I'm not Kikyo! I'm Kagome!_

Kagome didn't know where she was going, but she couldn't stay alone like this forever, or she would go crazy.

She needed to find people.


	4. Belonging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Japanese Terms:**  
>  ofuda \-- folded paper with Shinto (or sometimes Buddhist) prayers written on it, used to ward off evil spirits/demons

Kagome walked through the forest for two days. It was strange, not needing to eat or sleep, just walking and walking as if she would never stop. Kikyo's body did feel weak, but resting didn't seem to help much. _It's probably the souls,_ Kagome thought to herself. _Kikyo's body needs the souls to keep it strong._ But Kagome grew only more determined at that thought, because there was no way she was going to trap innocent souls. _So I'll just have to tough it out._

During the night, the forest was so dark that Kagome could barely see to walk, but she kept going, because stopping was even worse. _I always knew that Inu-Yasha made me feel safe, but I had no idea how much. I've been in the forest with him hundreds of times, and it never really scared me, because I trusted him to protect me. But now ... now I'm so scared!_ Being all alone in the dark was very different from sitting around a fire with her friends, Shippo curled up in her lap, Inu-Yasha complaining about something or other, Miroku getting slapped for groping Sango, and everyone talking and laughing.

She'd never realized how precious that was until now.

_Gods, I miss them so much!_

How had Kikyo been able to do it for so long? Kagome had never thought about it before, but she now realized how lonely the other woman's existence must have been. She wondered what Kikyo had been like before she died. Did she have friends? Did she laugh? Did she hug people? Or was she as solitary then as she had been since the witch had revived her into this fake body?

Such thoughts occupied Kagome's mind as she walked, for she could not bear to let her mind rest. When she did not distract herself, she became far more aware of the silence of the forest around her, the sensation of invisible eyes watching her from the darkness, the horrifyingly loud sound of twigs and leaves snapping under her feet, and her own still-disturbing lack of heartbeat.

She even found herself occasionally nervously humming or singing quietly to keep herself company, trying to cheer herself up.

"Here comes the sun  
Doo doo doo doo  
Here comes the sun  
And I say ... it's all right"

Kagome sighed. _Who am I kidding? It's not all right. I'm all alone in the dark in a forest in feudal Japan, and I'm dead. Yeah. Right. Everything's just peachy._

At least she had Kikyo's bow and quiver full of arrows. That made her feel a tiny bit better, because she had a way to defend herself if some crazed animal or demon attacked her in the darkness. But the forest was really spooky, and it just seemed to go on forever.

 _Why the heck is there so much forest? It's not like Japan is all forest in my time, so what's the deal with all the trees?_ Kagome thought to herself, sullenly kicking a small rock out of her path. _Well, I guess maybe they chopped down a lot of the forests when they built all the big cities. I guess that makes sense. What I wouldn't give for some streetlights and sidewalks right now! And maybe a cell phone! Of course, who would I call? My friends here don't want me around anymore, and I doubt I can go through the well in this body. And, anyway, what would I do? Go home and try to explain to Mom that I'm Kagome even though I don't look like it ... oh and, by the way, I'm dead now? Grandpa would probably smack an ofuda on my forehead and shout, "Demon begone!" And, anyway, I don't think they let dead people graduate high school, no matter how hard they study._

It was near noon on the second day of her lonely trek that Kagome heard the noises of a village in the distance: oxen lowing, children playing, carts creaking. She burst into a run and moments later found herself on the edges of a small village. She stood paralyzed at the edge of the forest, her hand pressed to her heart, her long black hair stirring slightly with the suddenness of her stop.

 _People! I'm not alone!_ Not wanting to just barge in, afraid that she might be turned away, Kagome hesitated a long moment, but her white blouse and bright red miko trousers were highly visible against the green of the trees, and a small child caught sight of her.

"Look!" he cried, pointing at Kagome, causing several nearby adults to turn in her direction and stare.

It was then that Kagome noticed several men lying wounded and bleeding on straw mats in the open area between the forest and the cluster of huts. There must have been a battle nearby recently, and these men were suffering.

Remembering Kaede's months of patient teachings, Kagome stepped forward out of the trees and said quietly, "I can help."

* * *

Meanwhile, many miles away, Kikyo's addition to Inu-Yasha's traveling group was proving even more awkward than he had expected. Everyone was disconcerted by the fact that she looked like Kagome, but her personality couldn't have been more different.

"I will not wear these obscene clothes," she had insisted on the first day, gesturing to Kagome's school uniform. "Even common prostitutes do not display their wares so brazenly."

"What?" Shippo had screeched. "Kagome's not a prostitute, you big dead jerk!" And he had then transformed into a pink bubble and proceeded to chomp angrily on Kikyo's head, prompting her to raise her hand and casually strike him with a bolt of blue light that sent him crashing to the ground, stunned and smoking.

Miroku and Sango ran to the limp fox-demon to check him for injuries, and Miroku looked up at Kikyo to chide her quietly, "Shippo is only a child, Lady Kikyo. Though he may sometimes speak rashly, he does not deserve such harsh treatment."

"The life of a demon means nothing to me," Kikyo responded coldly, her contemptuous expression distressingly foreign on Kagome's usually gentle face. Miroku and Sango turned immediately to look at Inu-Yasha, who only looked away, his eyes wounded but unsurprised. _I'm half-demon, too, Kikyo. Or do you forget?_

"Leave the brat alone, Kikyo. He isn't doing any harm." Not wanting anyone to see that he cared, Inu-Yasha snuck a glance at Shippo with guilty concern. Miroku had fetched some bandages from Kagome's backpack and was dressing a burn on the kit's arm. Inu-Yasha sighed and looked away again. This whole situation sucked. He couldn't abandon Kikyo, because he had sworn to protect her. But he couldn't just stand by and watch her abuse his friends, either.

In the interest of keeping the peace, Sango volunteered to loan Kikyo the maroon and white kimono she usually wore over her black armor, as well as her long green apron. Kikyo graciously thanked the other girl and went to change her clothes in privacy. While Kikyo was gone, Sango lifted the bandaged fox demon into her arms and said gently, "I'll carry you, Shippo."

In response, Shippo whimpered, "Why is she so mean? She's not like Kagome at all!"

"We will find Lady Kagome soon, Shippo. Do not worry," replied Miroku, but the monk's face was troubled.

"She must be so scared out there all by herself, without us to protect her!" At the kit's tearful words, Inu-Yasha flinched. _The brat's right, for once. Kagome shouldn't be out there alone without me to keep her safe. Fuck! Why didn't the damned bitch stay in her own time? I tried to tell her to stay there, but she just keeps fucking coming back! She would have been safe there! I don't know what I'd do ... I couldn't bear it if ... if something bad ... if she got ... oh FUCK that! She WON'T get hurt. We'll find her and everything will be FINE and then I'll shove her down the fucking well and destroy the damned thing once and for all. I just wish we had some fucking idea of where the hell she is!_

"I want to try to cover a lot of ground before tonight," Inu-Yasha said distractedly, and his three companions nodded worriedly.

"Yes, I won't feel comfortable until we have her with us again," Sango admitted. "It just doesn't feel right without her here."

"And having her body here without her is just creepy!" added Shippo, voicing the thought they all were having but were not willing to speak aloud.

At that moment, Kikyo emerged again from behind the trees she had used to cloak her modesty, now dressed in Sango's clothing. "Now she looks like Kagome **and** Sango!" wailed Shippo before Sango could cover his mouth with her hand. The fox demon rolled his eyes to look at his friend with an expression of hurt betrayal, but Sango whispered urgently into his ear, "Do you want her to burn you again?" Rolling his eyes back to look at Kikyo again, Shippo shuddered and shook his head, huddling closer against Sango's body, able to think little besides _I want Kagome!_

Miroku cleared his throat in the tense silence. "Ahem. Shall we eat lunch before we move on?"

* * *

After changing into the more suitable clothing, Kikyo found that she felt somewhat more comfortable. The body, however, was as unfamiliar as the clothing had been. _This hair is of a thicker texture, and these legs are longer, which makes walking awkward. This body's scent is different, which is unpleasant to me. And this heartbeat! It is so loud in my ears. The feel of blood rushing through this body is strange. Is this what it is to be alive? Perhaps I have forgotten._

It was not only the body which was different, however. Kikyo found herself also noting a strange difference in her soul. _It is not only that I now possess the larger portion of the soul. This soul ... it is not only mine. It is ... more. It is ... else. It differs somehow. My power surges through this body, stronger than ever before. With this soul and my training, I shall need little help in defeating Naraku. And paltry Inu-Yasha ... I could crush him in an instant if I so chose._

The others around her spoke amongst themselves, but Kikyo felt no interest in their discussions. She lived for two things only: to retain her grip on the heart of Inu-Yasha, and to wreak her vengeance upon Naraku. She could see the guilt and remorse on Inu-Yasha's face when he looked at her, and the sight sent a thrill of pleasure through her. _Yes. Inu-Yasha should regret my untimely death and the role he played in my demise. He **should** suffer. He deserves nothing but pain, pain such as I have felt._

_I had thought that my hatred would be lessened when I left that body of earth and bone, when I discarded that useless sliver of soul that only fueled my pain. But when I died fifty years ago, my heart was frozen in rage, and my heart shall not rest until Inu-Yasha is dead. If he keeps his promises to me and provides me with the human life he once offered, it shall make his eventual death at my hands only that much sweeter._

_But now ... now is for Naraku. Inu-Yasha shall stand by my side as we take our vengeance for the wrongs done in the past, and only then my own vengeance upon Inu-Yasha's future shall begin._

_For now ... all is Naraku. There is no other goal. There is no other name. All is Naraku._

* * *

"... Kagome."

Kikyo's head lifted, turning toward Inu-Yasha, for she had caught only the unpleasant final word in what he had just said. The other humans and the small demon child were nodding eagerly, and seemed to be preparing to depart.

"What did you say, Inu-Yasha?" Kikyo asked stiffly, not liking the presence of these other travelers listening upon their conversation.

Inu-Yasha turned impatiently and repeated, "I said that's enough time wasted ... it's time we get off our butts and go look for Kagome!"

Smiling slightly, Kikyo insisted, "To do so would be pointless. The girl is lost, her heart by now entirely absorbed by malice and pain. I know well the agony of that lifeless body ... one weak as she will not survive it."

Shippo opened his mouth to speak, as did Inu-Yasha, but Miroku calmly spoke before either of the demons could do more than take an angry breath. "I believe you underestimate the strength of Lady Kagome. Her will is formidable."

Kikyo replied condescendingly, "That may be so, monk, but it does not change our quest, which is to gather the shards of the Shikon jewel and take revenge upon the demon Naraku."

"Hey!" shouted Inu-Yasha. " **I'm** the one holding the sword, and **I** say we're finding **Kagome** first. So let's get going! Kikyo, get on my back so we can travel quickly before nightfall."

"Climb upon your back, Inu-Yasha? I shall do no such thing."

Inu-Yasha's hands raised upward toward his face, his claws bending in frustration as he closed his eyes and roared, " **Fuck!** Why does this have to be so **difficult**?"

Kikyo's voice was iced with a prideful outrage when she replied, "Inu-Yasha, why do you speak so coarsely? You have not treated me so disrespectfully since the days when you first came to attempt to steal the jewel." _He seems less human, somehow, and more of a demon,_ Kikyo thought to herself in distaste.

"Yeah, well, I don't have time to pussyfoot around right now. Kagome's alone out there, and we have to find her. So let's get the fuck out there and do it!"

Seeing an opportunity to rid herself of the unpleasant presence of the others, Kikyo suggested, "Then allow your companions to seek the girl separately. It would be most efficient, permitting you and I to instead direct our attention to the shards and Naraku."

"Fuck the shards! And fuck Naraku! Kagome's in trouble, and that comes first!" Inu-Yasha could feel himself losing control of his anger, and that wasn't going to help Kagome at all. Gritting his teeth, he took several calming breaths while fisting his hands until his claws drew blood from his palms. _Okay,_ he thought as he began to calm down, _Kikyo does sort of have a point. It would be good to get her away from the others so that she isn't blasting the brat every time he opens his big mouth, and so that pervert monk doesn't end up groping her butt and getting himself killed._ Of course, if anyone had pointed out to Inu-Yasha that he was considering the welfare of his companions, that he was in fact caring for those who he in unguarded moments thought of as "friends," he would have denied it. That didn't change the fact that he was doing it, though.

"Okay. We'll split up into two groups," Inu-Yasha began, quickly adding, " **BOTH** looking for Kagome. I'll take Kikyo. The rest of you travel on Kirara. We'll meet back here at nightfall to camp and make a plan for tomorrow."

As Kirara transformed into her larger shape, Miroku, Sango, and Shippo all released sighs of relief as they climbed upon the firecat's back. With such a heavy burden, Kirara would not be able to fly at her top speed, but no one wanted to stay behind with Inu-Yasha and Kikyo, and so they bid them good-bye, promised to meet at nightfall, and flew away from the clearing in search of Kagome.


	5. It Was You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Japanese Terms**  
>  haori \-- the red jacket that Inu-Yasha wears over his white inner robe

Inu-Yasha was in a darkened forest, stepping forward into a moonlit clearing where tall grasses whispered in the breeze, brushing softly against his bare feet. His long white hair billowed around him as he moved, its response to the slight wind somehow exaggerated, as if he were moving in slow motion. He didn't know why he was here, but he knew he was looking for something terribly important.

And then he saw her. Kagome. She was standing in the center of the clearing, facing away from him. She didn't know he was there. She wore the clothes of a miko, but her hair was thick and wavy, stirring slowly in the breeze, and her scent was the same gentle, comforting scent that always surrounded her. Though there had been so much confusion lately, Inu-Yasha somehow knew that this was truly Kagome, not Kikyo hidden in the girl's form. He couldn't explain how he knew. Perhaps his heart recognized her heart, which would explain the sudden aching in his chest. Somehow, he just **knew** it was her.

"Kagome!" he cried, showing more emotion than he usually allowed himself. Somehow, it seemed safe here. He ran to her and pulled her to him, enfolding her in his arms and holding her close, inhaling the scent of her hair. "Kagome, it's you! You're safe!"

She looked up at him then, and her gray eyes were soft in the moonlight, so soft and kind and loving. Inu-Yasha couldn't help it. He lowered his head, still embracing her tenderly, and pressed his lips to hers. _Kagome!_ Her lips were warm against his, and she made a small sound as he kissed her, like a sigh or a moan. The kiss seemed to last forever, as if it had never begun and would never end. It felt as if nothing had ever been so right, and Inu-Yasha felt as if every hurtful, terrible moment in his entire life was washed away by the grace and forgiveness and acceptance in that kiss.

It was almost painful when she pulled away. His arms still held her, but she looked up at him now with tears glistening in her beautiful eyes. "I can't, Inu-Yasha."

Inu-Yasha's heart sank, and he swallowed a lump in his throat. "Why?" he whispered. "Why not?" Did she not want him? Was she disgusted that he was half-demon? Had he been a fool to think that she felt something for him, this girl from the future? But her kiss had seemed so perfect, so right!

Kagome lowered her head, no longer able to meet his gaze. Her bangs hid her eyes from him, and her voice was steeped in sorrow. "You're with Kikyo now, Inu-Yasha. It's what you've always wanted, and I'm ... I'm glad for you. I only ever wanted for you to be happy." Inu-Yasha could not be certain, but he thought that her tears had begun to fall, and his heart ached again with his longing to comfort her. He could never stand it when she cried.

Though she had looked away from his eyes, Kagome still did not struggle against his embrace, and so Inu-Yasha pulled her closer to his chest and replied, "Kagome, I **am** happy. I'm happy that I found you! I'm happy that you're all right and I can protect you again. Nothing will ever hurt you when I'm around."

But she shook her head. He could feel the slight movement against his chest through his thick haori. Her voice was quiet, almost broken, when she said, "Inu-Yasha, I'm sorry ... you can't protect me. You're sworn to protect Kikyo."

"I'll protect you both!" Inu-Yasha replied immediately, full of easy bravado.

Kagome looked at him with an expression in her eyes that he could not name. Perhaps apology. Perhaps pity. Perhaps grief. Whatever it was, it wasn't good. "But, Inu-Yasha ... what if that isn't possible? What if...?"

"No! I will!" Why did she keep questioning his ability to keep her safe? Why didn't she trust him? He would never let anyone hurt her!

Kagome smiled a small, sad smile and reached up a hand to gently caress his cheek. "Oh, Inu-Yasha..."

With her palm flat along the side of his face, cradling his cheek with her soft warmth, Inu-Yasha had difficulty thinking. His voice was almost a whisper when he prompted her, "Kagome?"

Kagome looked into his eyes and said quietly, "Inu-Yasha, I never want you to have to choose."

Inu-Yasha frowned, confused. What was she talking about? "Choose? Why would I have to choose?"

But Kagome only stroked her hand from his cheek into the hair at the nape of his neck, and pulled his head toward her. "Forget it, Inu-Yasha. It's nothing. Just ... kiss me again? And say my name?"

And Inu-Yasha sighed with relief, "Kagome ... Kagome ..." and then his lips were on hers again, and her arms were around his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair, her mouth sweet and loving against his, and in the midst of their kiss Inu-Yasha felt a peace he had never felt before, and in his aching heart he knew that everything was finally, **finally** going to be all right.

* * *

Inu-Yasha woke slowly, gradually becoming aware of the bark of a tree trunk against his back, the grassy ground beneath his crossed legs, the press of Tetsusaiga across his chest. At last he opened his eyes.

So it had been another dream.

He could still smell Kagome's wonderful scent ... but he knew it wasn't really her. It was Kikyo, sleeping a few feet away in Kagome's sleeping bag.

_Kagome ... where are you?_

They'd been searching for four days thus far, but had found no sign of Kagome or Kikyo's body. Progress had been slow, because Kikyo refused to ride on Inu-Yasha's back. She didn't explain her reason, but Inu-Yasha was fairly certain that he knew.

_It reminds her that I'm a demon, and she doesn't want to remember that. Like she said, the life of a demon means nothing to her. Kikyo, how can you love me? How could you have **ever** loved me? You know what I am. Do you choose to pretend that I'm human?_

Choose.

The word reminded Inu-Yasha of his dream, and sent a shiver down his spine. Sitting at the base of this tree, watching Kagome's face relaxed in sleep as Kikyo rested within her body, Inu-Yasha did not want to think about what the dream might have meant.

The sun was rising. Soon he would wake Kikyo and they would head back to meet up again with the others. Sango and Miroku had been traveling on the firecat, covering much wider distances, with Shippo tagging along. Inu-Yasha hadn't seen them in two days, but he was sure they would have somehow contacted him if there was news of Kagome.

It was making him insane with frustration to travel at Kikyo's walking pace ... and yet he walked beside her as if he were another human, or a pet on a leash. He should be leaping through the forest, traveling as quickly as possible to find Kagome! But instead he was ... instead he traveled with Kikyo and protected her as a **man** would.

But what about protecting Kagome?

* * *

"Why do you feel this need to work closely with these others, Inu-Yasha? Surely you do not need their help in your quest."

They were walking toward the giant oak tree that served as the marker for their meeting place with Sango, Miroku, and Shippo, and Kikyo had spoken little all morning before this.

 _ **Need** their help? Of course I don't need them!_ Inu-Yasha thought to himself, offended at the suggestion. _But they'd get killed without me around, and they hate Naraku, too._ In truth, it had been Kagome who encouraged him to welcome others into their traveling party, but after a while he hadn't minded so much. He'd even come to trust the others, though he would never admit it. He knew Miroku and Sango would back him up in any fight, and even the fox brat would do everything he could to help, and had done so on more than one occasion.

_Is this what it's like to have friends? I've never had any before._

"There's nothing wrong with having allies in battle," Inu-Yasha said defensively, not wanting to admit that he might actually prefer not to be alone anymore, as he had been for so long in his life. Kikyo had been the first one to ever be kind to him after his mother died ... but since meeting Kagome, Inu-Yasha had reluctantly learned that there was much more kindness in the world than he had ever realized. The world through Kagome's eyes was a very different place.

Kagome's eyes.

Kagome's eyes were no longer her own, though. Kikyo now saw through Kagome's eyes, looking serenely ahead as they walked, not turning to meet Inu-Yasha's golden gaze as Kagome would have done with a smile.

_We have to find a way to fix this! Kagome!_

Kikyo spoke again with Kagome's voice, advising coldly, "Allies in battle are sometimes not an asset, Inu-Yasha, if they are weaker than yourself. How many times have you been forced to defend these companions, rather than pursuing your own aims?"

Inu-Yasha did not answer. Kikyo's words touched a part of him long neglected, a wounded, resentful part of him which had always pushed others away. He felt a struggle within his heart, between this tenuous new trust of those who might call themselves "friends" and the more comfortable, more established habitual mistrust and dislike of the world.

Looking at her, Inu-Yasha realized that Kikyo's movements in Kagome's body were now more fluid and comfortable, even after only four days. She was adjusting to the unfamiliar human body and now moved with a dignified grace completely at odds with Kagome's usual energetic enthusiasm. Of course, Kagome had her own grace ... it was just ... more exuberant than he could imagine Kikyo ever being. Kagome's emotions were always so close to the surface. She wasn't afraid to show her heart to the world, to say how she felt and sometimes say it much too loudly. Inu-Yasha smirked silently to himself, remembering some of Kagome's more amusing fits of temper.

"Your heart belongs to **me** , Inu-Yasha," said Kikyo, still not looking at him as she strode calmly through the tall grasses. Her words wiped the slight smile from his face. "Your life belongs to me, as well. I shall never allow you to forget me." And then she did turn her head, looking into Inu-Yasha's eyes with a grim determination. "Never."

Inu-Yasha kept walking, his thoughts hidden behind golden eyes that let no emotion show. He knew his responsibilities to Kikyo. She had once been the center of his world, and he could not abandon her after the pain she had suffered because of him.

"You do not need others, Inu-Yasha," said Kikyo, "now that you have me by your side. This battle is **ours** , and we do not need others to get in our way."

Again, Inu-Yasha did not answer, lost in thought, and they walked on in silence toward the meeting place.

* * *

"I wonder if Kagome misses us," pondered Shippo sadly. "I wish we could find her! She must be so lonely!"

Perched gracefully upon a large rock at the base of the huge oak tree, Kikyo kept her distance from the young fox-demon, her disdain for him apparent even despite her serenely blank facial expression. They all found that expression more than a little bit spooky on Kagome's face, and it only motivated them to look even harder for Kagome.

No one had found anything on their most recent search, but they were all still determined to keep looking. They talked amongst themselves about ideas and fears they had, finding comfort in the sharing.

Inu-Yasha contributed little to the conversation, watching his traveling companions with a thoughtful eye. He realized that for the first time ... perhaps ever ... he felt as if he belonged somewhere. These people actually wanted him around, even if they argued with him all the time. For some reason he could not imagine, they actually seemed to care what happened to him. Unbelievable as that seemed, it was the only possible explanation for some of their behavior.

_How? How did this happen? Was this Kagome, too? Did she do this?_

Even as a child, it had only been his mother who cared for him. Never a ... never a **family**. And these people were almost like a family to him. Even the old woman, Kaede. He protected them, and they cared about him. He fought for them, and they fought for him, too.

_Why didn't I notice this before? Did I just take it all for granted when Kagome was here?_

But then Inu-Yasha's ears perked up as his thoughts were interrupted by something Miroku had said. "What was that?" he interrupted rudely.

Calmly repeating himself, Miroku replied, "I was expressing my concern regarding how long Lady Kikyo's body would be able to survive without absorbing new souls."

Turning to look questioningly at Kikyo, Inu-Yasha demanded, "Well? How long?"

"I have not pressed the body to its limit, as souls are always available. After perhaps a week without souls, however, the body loses all spiritual power, and purification of arrows or other such forces become impossible."

"Oh no!" exclaimed Sango worriedly. "Without her purified arrows, Kagome will be helpless against any demons who find her!"

Kikyo smiled a small, patronizing smile. "The girl will have taken new souls by now. The body will weaken without them."

"Kagome would never trap innocent souls!" shouted Shippo angrily, his small hands bunching into fists. He disliked Kikyo enough already, but to have her say bad things about Kagome was too much.

Her eyes lacking any emotion, Kikyo replied flatly, "I think you will find that existence in that unliving body overcomes weakness with pain and hatred. Other souls will mean nothing to her in this state except fuel."

The others watched Kikyo with dislike which was masked to varying degrees, and even Inu-Yasha's eyes were tinged with an icy film of anger. Miroku, however, said simply, "Lady Kagome would never harm an innocent person for her own gain. Never."

"Okay, to hell with this!" roared Inu-Yasha in frustration. "Kagome's probably getting weaker every day, we don't know what kind of magic even caused this, and we have no idea where Kagome is!"

Miroku spoke again. 'Perhaps Lady Kaede might have wisdom to offer? It is even possible that Kagome may have sought her help."

"Right," Inu-Yasha said firmly. "You guys keep searching for Kagome. Kikyo and I will go find the old hag."

_And I hope the old bitch knows something, because I'm really running out of ideas, here._

* * *

The walk back to Kaede's village took several days, but when at last they arrived, Inu-Yasha was shocked to see the old miko come rushing out to meet them, her stride hobbled by age but still swift with urgency.

"Kikyo!" Kaede cried in horrified surprise. "Kikyo, what evil have you **done**?"

Inu-Yasha interrupted impatiently. "She didn't do anything, you old bag! Somebody cast a spell that switched their bodies."

Stopping to look searchingly at Inu-Yasha, and then peering again at Kikyo, Kaede proclaimed solemnly, "I do not know what my sister has told you, Inu-Yasha, but her aura speaks tells the true tale. This spell was her own doing."

His golden eyes widening in disbelief and betrayal, Inu-Yasha turned to look at Kagome's visage, the face Kikyo now wore through the action of this spell, and whispered brokenly, "Kikyo?"


	6. Soul, Heart, and Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **New Japanese Terms**  
>  hakama \-- loose trousers tied over a kimono or haori, such as the pants Inu-Yasha always wears (the miko trousers, however, are called hibakama)  
> kokoro \-- mind, heart, spirit

The dream wasn't always exactly the same, but it was always familiar. In the clearing, Inu-Yasha's long white hair billowed behind him almost as if in slow motion as he walked toward her, the tall grass brushing against his red hakama. "Kagome," he sighed with relief shining in his golden eyes. He pulled her into his arms, holding her close and pressing her head against his red haori, his hand tangled in her dark hair. "Kagome, it's you! And you're safe!"

Pressed so closely together, it seemed almost as if their hearts beat in unison in the silence of the moonlit clearing. The sound was comforting. It was as if they were connected in some way. Some important way that she could not name. The beating of their hearts made Kagome feel, just for a moment, as if everything would somehow be all right.

When Kagome looked up at him, he pressed his lips to hers, kissing her with a tenderness and trust that brought tears to her eyes. She pulled away in shame, wracked by the painful knowledge that he wasn't hers, and never would be. He belonged to Kikyo, body and soul. "Inu-Yasha ... I can't."

But he did not understand, and she could not explain. It would not be fair to him. And so she wound her arms around his neck and asked for the one thing he could give her in this dreaming place.

"Kiss me again, Inu-Yasha ... kiss me and say my name..." and he did, her name on his lips sweet and clear and warm.

"Kagome ... Kagome ..." and then it was his mouth on hers again, and she pressed herself closer to him in the desperate wish that they could stay like this forever, that she would never have to wake up.

* * *

But with that thought, she always woke.

She woke to darkness and silence. Her hut was empty, save for her own straw sleeping mat and a few borrowed belongings. The villagers had welcomed her and offered her the hut of a family recently relocated to another nearby village. It had been very nice of them to be so kind, of course.

"You do us honor, priestess, in stopping at our humble village," one of the village elders had said in front of the gathered people on Kagome's first day here.

"I'm not a priestess," Kagome objected immediately, embarrassed that they would think she was so powerful, as powerful as Kikyo. "I'm ... only a ... shrine maiden," she had stammered. _That's not really a lie, right? Because I grew up at a shrine ... and I'm not married yet, and I haven't done ... that ... so I'm still a maiden. So I'm kind of like a shrine maiden. Sort of. Well, it explains the clothes, anyway. And the purification powers, if I ever have to use them._

 _But would I even be able to purify an arrow now?_ She was afraid of what the answer would be, and so had not tested her powers. _Kikyo still had her powers in this body ... but I'm not Kikyo. I've never been as powerful as she is._

The villagers had been extremely kind. One child in particular, the small boy who had first sighted her at the edge of the forest, had become very fond of her. His name was Tanaka, and he was perhaps five years old. He would often come running when he saw Kagome and launch himself into her arms, hugging her and laughing.

He was the only person who touched her.

Kagome had never realized how important touch was in her life until now, when it was almost entirely absent. Just the soft, fluffy fur of Shippo in her lap or on her shoulder ... the feel of Inu-Yasha's muscles bunching against her as she rode his back through the forest, Sango's gentle hand upon her shoulder in times of sadness, even Miroku's perverted gropings ... it was all part of a close, warm, social world that Kagome missed terribly.

And so when small Tanaka leapt into her arms, she hugged him tight and thought of those she loved. Those she missed.

She spent her days tending to the wounded who were brought from nearby battles, which seemed always to wage. Two neighboring lords were warring for power over this region, and the men of their lands were suffering, the women suffering in other ways as they watched their husbands and brothers hurt and dying. Travelers passed through the village like a steady stream, fleeing the worst of the fighting, looking for somewhere they could once again find peace in which to raise their children. Many of the travelers, too, were wounded in body and soul, their eyes glazed with shock and pain.

Kagome did all she could to ease the physical pain of the wounded, using the medicinal herbs Kaede had taught her about, as well as what she'd learned about first aid in the modern era, and she also tried to ease the emotional pain of the wounded men's families, lending a compassionate ear and a shoulder to lean upon.

Of course they never actually leaned on her shoulder. Because if they had, they would have been horrified to discover that the shoulder was unnaturally cold.

The skin was untouched by the heat of blood, unfed by any internal warmth.

The shoulder was cold, but Kagome's heart was not. And so she offered what she could to those in pain.

She often walked alone through the forest in search of plants and herbs she needed for various medicines, and while she walked she thought often of Inu-Yasha.

_Would Inu-Yasha think I'm beautiful now? Now that I'm her? I even live in this village as a miko. Am I still Kagome? Is there still Kagome inside me, or am I Kikyo now?_

_No ... no, she's still Kikyo. She's still the one he loves and wants to be with. I saw him with her, when she was telling him to kill me. He's always wanted to be with her ... and now he is ... and she's human and alive. I'd rather see him happy with Kikyo than see him dragged to hell. I couldn't stand that. But he has what he wants now, so he can be happy. I've only ever wanted him to be happy, and now he can. He never could have been happy with me, because he would never forget her. But now ... now ... Inu-Yasha can finally be happy. And I guess ... I guess I'm glad._

Lying in her hut after waking from the dream, Kagome listened to the silence. Even after several days, she had not been able to adjust to her lack of heartbeat. The utter soundlessness of this body felt somehow claustrophobic. And so she lay in the dark, and she listened to her lack of heartbeat, and she closed her eyes against the emotions that threatened to break free, the fears and aches that threatened to send her screaming and weeping and raging against what had happened to her.

But that wouldn't do any good. She knew that no one would help her. No one **could** help her, and no one wanted to. She was truly alone.

Still, she couldn't lie there in the dark silence any longer, and so she walked to the doorway of her hut, stepping outside to look at the stars. Her body felt weaker every day, though she was still able to function physically. It was as if her internal strength, her spiritual power, was fading. It felt as if some fundamental part of herself was slowly draining away, day by day.

As she stood there, four of Kikyo's soul skimmers slithered and wound there way into the village, twining themselves around her and offering the bright souls they had captured for her.

 _I wonder if I'm going to die without new souls,_ wondered Kagome. _Would it really be so wrong to borrow their strength, just until I can figure out what's going on?_

But even that thought sent a shudder of disgust through Kagome and she shook her head, Kikyo's silky straight hair moving against her cheek and neck, reminding her of the body that was now her home, as if she needed additional reminders. She could think of little else, all day, every day.

_Once I was only Kikyo's reincarnation, and Inu-Yasha saw her when he looked at me. But now ... now he looks at my face and it really **is** her. And I'm in this fake body which was never even meant to exist._

"Go away," Kagome said tiredly to the soul skimmers brushing against her. "Let the souls go free, and leave me alone."

Kagome sank to sit on the ground, her back against the wall of her borrowed hut. Leaning her head back, she watched the stars. _I wonder if this is what the stars look like to Kikyo, since I'm seeing them through her eyes._

A shooting star streaked across the sky, and Kagome wished quickly, _I wish I could at least see Mom and Grandpa and Souta, even just one last time._

Perhaps it was time to start trying to find a way back to the Bone-Eaters Well.

* * *

"I could sometimes find a village," explained Kikyo sadly, gazing into the distance, "where the people welcomed me. I was sometimes given the chance to live again as a miko, gathering medicinal herbs and enjoying the company of children." Then, turning to meet Inu-Yasha's eyes with dignity and pain, she said, "But I was always hiding the monster within me, hiding my need to collect souls to further my own existence, hiding the demonic nature of the body that housed me."

Looking again away, Kikyo concluded quietly, "I was never truly human, and I could never be truly accepted. I lived always alone, always wishing to walk among the living, but damned to loneliness by my very nature."

 _Like me,_ thought Inu-Yasha. _That's how I've felt my whole life. Oh, Kikyo ... I understand that pain._

"Even my revenge against Naraku, even my revenge against you, Inu-Yasha ... even vengeance would never bring me back, could never return to me the life which had been stolen."

"Then why would you ... ?"

But Kikyo interrupted scornfully. "Even you, Inu-Yasha, could never comprehend my pain in that false body, so near to human life that I could nearly taste it, so close to being human that I raged with wanting..." Kikyo's voice turned hard with spite. "And it was this girl Kagome's doing, that I became so imprisoned in that cold mockery of a human form. If she had not come, I would never have been revived from my grave, I would never have been left with only a fragment of my soul, you would never have been freed from your imprisonment, the Shikon jewel would never have been shattered ... all of the grief, pain, and suffering since her arrival here have been the fault of that girl. She should never have been here."

Her voice calm once again, betraying no apparent emotion, Kikyo looked at Inu-Yasha, who sat stunned and aghast, and said simply, "I should not have died, and she should not have lived. My spell did nothing but correct these wrongs."

"But you stole her body!" exclaimed Inu-Yasha in horror.

"She stole my soul!" replied Kikyo venomously. "She stole my soul, my life, my purpose ... she even stole you, Inu-Yasha. She stole everything I cared about, everything I was, everything I might have been. She even stole the Shikon jewel, which was mine to protect and always will be..."

Kaede had been silent through most of this conversation, listening intently, but she now interrupted to speak. "Kagome stole nothing from you, Kikyo. In your life, you studied the miko teachings, and you know very well the path of the soul. When you died, your soul moved on, and was reborn into a new body with its own mind and heart. You have no right to that soul once it has continued along its path."

"But my death was unnatural, brought about by deceit and betrayal! My heart at the moment of my death was black with rage and hatred, and I claim the right to seek its revenge!"

Kaede shook her gray head in disappointment and disapproval. "Yes, Kikyo, your heart was black at the moment of your death, and it corrupted the Shikon jewel, just as Onigumo had intended. But Kagome's body purified the jewel once more when it was reborn within her. Like your soul, the jewel has been reborn and purified in Kagome. Both rightfully belong to her now, and your mind and heart must find rest."

"Your words mean nothing, old woman, for there is no remedy for the spell. It cannot be reversed. And so Inu-Yasha need only accept my human presence at his side, so that we might continue our quest to defeat Naraku."

"Not reversible?" gasped Inu-Yasha.

Looking at him with eyes that glimmered with grief and disappointment in their reserved depths, Kikyo asked quietly, "Were you resolved to force me again into that husk of dead earth? For her? Is that girl so dear to you?"

_Kikyo ... you are ... forcing me to choose? But this is Kagome's body ... it's rightfully hers ... you stole it against her will. If there is no remedy for the spell, then ... Kagome is ... Kagome will never be with me like this again, in her own human body? Kagome is ... gods, no! Kagome!_

But Kaede was speaking again. "These are kokoro magics," she explained in a deeply worried tone. "Very powerful, with the ability to sunder a self into its component parts."

"What the fuck does that mean?" interjected Inu-Yasha impatiently.

"Kokoro magics divide the self into soul, heart, and mind. The soul is the source of spiritual energy ... the heart is the source of emotion and feeling ... and the mind is the source of thought and reason."

Inu-Yasha's brow was furrowed with confusion and effort to understand. "What does this have to do with Kagome?"

"This spell affects only the mind and heart. And so the creature you see before you has the body and soul of Kagome, but the mind and heart of Kikyo. I have long believed that Kagome's soul was different from Kikyo's ... that it has developed, grown, become even more pure and strong since Kikyo's death. It is not unusual for a soul to grow and change as it travels along its path from one life to the next. Do you not notice a difference, Kikyo?"

"What the hell does this have to do with Kagome?" repeated Inu-Yasha more loudly. "Is this fucking spell reversible or not?"

But Kaede's voice was patient and sad when she admitted, "I do not know, Inu-Yasha. It would seem that Kikyo is not willing to participate in any reversal." Kaede looked at Kikyo, who simply returned her gaze with an aloof serenity foreign to Kagome's features. Kaede continued speaking, her troubled eyes watching Kikyo with regret. "Kagome, wherever she is, thinks and feels with her own mind and heart, though it is possible that her heart may be corrupted or influenced by the demonic forces affecting the body in which she is contained, as well as the very small portion of her soul."

Kikyo again said, "The girl's heart will not survive existence in that cold body. She is by now consumed with pain and hatred. I do not understand why you persist in this concern for her. The girl you knew is gone."

"No!" roared Inu-Yasha "Stop saying that! I've sworn to protect Kagome, and I'll find a way to do it if it kills me!"

"Did you not also swear to protect **me** , Inu-Yasha?" asked Kikyo.

And suddenly the world seemed to spin around Inu-Yasha. _Why is this so familiar? Those words. And Kagome's face. Kagome's scent. Protecting them both. A choice. Why must there be a choice?_

Concerned for the hanyou's sudden dazed expression and withdrawal, Kaede suggested that Kikyo step outside a moment to get fresh air ... now that she had human lungs to breathe it with. Ignoring the disapproval in the old woman's tone, Kikyo serenely stood and left the hut.

"Inu-Yasha, what thoughts distract you so? Is it to do with Kagome?"

Glancing at the old miko, Inu-Yasha thought of denying it, unwilling to trust someone else with such a personal admission, but then he remembered the thoughts that had been haunting him since Kagome's disappearance. _These people are sort of like family. They take care of me, and I take care of them. Can I trust the old bag? Yeah ... I guess I think I can. How weird is that?_

"I've been having strange dreams," Inu-Yasha admitted reluctantly. "About Kagome."

Eyeing Inu-Yasha thoughtfully, Kaede asked, "What is strange about these dreams?"

"Well, I have them every night, but they aren't always exactly the same. And it feels like she's actually there. It doesn't feel like a dream."

"Hmm," pondered the miko. "Two souls can be linked or connected by fate ... but it is also possible for two **hearts** to be connected by strong feelings. If this be the case between yourself and Kagome, she may be reaching out to you..."

But Kaede's words were cut short when they heard a man's voice outside crying happily, "Kagome!" followed by a yelp of pain and a sudden crash. Inu-Yasha was out the door in a split-second, followed quickly by the old woman.

"You dared to touch me, demon," spat Kikyo, her bow in her hand, an arrow glowing and drawn. "And for that you will die."

Several yards away stood Koga in front of a shattered tree, its branches and leaves scattered behind him as if there had been an explosion. A large burn mark upon Koga's bare chest implied that Kikyo had most likely blasted him at close range, sending him flying into the tree.

Koga stared in disbelief at the woman threatening to kill him with her arrow, the woman who looked exactly like sweet Kagome but acted as if she were possessed by some evil spirit, and then the baffled wolf prince glanced over at Kaede and Inu-Yasha.

"What the hell is going on around here?" he demanded.


	7. There Are Many Kinds of Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't remember if Koga has encountered Kikyo previously at this point in the series, and I'm too lazy to go through all the manga volumes to find out this one tiny detail. So I'm going to assume they've encountered each other previously, at least briefly, and that Koga knows at least vaguely the Kagome/Inu-Yasha/Kikyo triangle (or is it a Koga/Kagome/Inu-Yasha/Kikyo rectangle? heh), because that's convenient for my story. So if I'm wrong, call it artistic license. That's why they call it "fiction," instead of "fact." :)
> 
>  **New Japanese Terms in This Chapter**  
>  hibakama \-- loose red trousers worn by miko shrine maidens and priestesses

It was several days before Kagome met a traveler with a destination near the Bone-Eaters' Well.

The thin elderly merchant who was driving the wagon warned her, "I've not heard of any such well, my lady, but I do know the forest you speak of, named for the demon imprisoned there. Inu-Yasha's Forest, they call it. I'll be passing near there, though it's four days' passage."

And so a bargain was struck, for Kagome would tend to any medical needs along the voyage, and this would pay her way.

When the time came to leave, Kagome thanked the villagers for their kindness, and all bid her good luck. Tanaka, however, could not be found, and Kagome could only imagine that he must be hiding to avoid saying good-bye. "Thank you for your friendship, Tanaka," she called to the forest. "I will miss you."

As she turned toward the wagon, the small boy came hurtling from behind a tree and hugged her legs, his tears wetting the red cloth of her hibakama. "I don't want you to leave," he sobbed.

Kagome knelt and gently held the boy's face in her hands, drying his tears with her fingers as best she could. "I have to leave, Tanaka, to find my family again. But you're a good friend, and I won't forget you. You brought me joy and comfort in a time of great sadness."

Throwing his small arms around her neck, Tanaka hugged her tightly, his remaining tears wetting the side of her neck and her straight black hair. "I love you, Lady Kagome," he whispered, sniffling.

Kagome smiled softly. "I love you too, Tanaka. And so you'll always be in my heart. Because that's what love is."

Nodding against her neck, Tanaka at last released her and backed away, rubbing his fists into his eyes to rid himself of the embarrassing tears. Pulling the traditional miko's white hair ribbon from her hair, Kagome held it out to the child. "So you can always remember me," she smiled. Tanaka snatched the ribbon and abruptly ran away, sniffling with renewed tears.

Standing, Kagome looked around the village and saw many friendly faces, many people sorry to see her leave, even after only such a short time. But she had been growing weaker every day, and so she couldn't put this off. She needed to go to the well, to try to see Mom and Grandpa and Souta again, to at least let them know what had happened to her, so that they wouldn't always have to wonder.

"Ready to go, my lady?" asked the old merchant, and Kagome nodded, climbing up to find a seat for the long trip.

 _Please let Inu-Yasha not be there,_ she thought to herself. _I couldn't bear to see him again with Kikyo, especially Kikyo looking like me. I couldn't bear to be so close to him and have to stay away. So please let me be able to go through the well. That's all I ask. Please let me just go through the well in peace._

* * *

"All of the grief, pain, and suffering since her arrival here have been the fault of that girl. She should never have been here."

When they had passed near Inu-Yasha's forest, the merchant had left Kagome perhaps a mile from Kaede's village. Finding herself suddenly desperately craving Kaede's wise kindness, for the woman had always been like a parent to her, Kagome had walked straight to the old miko's hut, only to stop when she heard voices from within. As she had creapt nearer, she had recognized her own voice. _Wait. Not me. Kikyo! That's Kikyo, sounding like me!_

Peeking briefly through the mat hanging at the doorway, Kagome saw that Kaede and Inu-Yasha were sitting with Kikyo, listening to her.

Listening to Kikyo talk about Kagome.

Listening to Kikyo blame Kagome for everything.

And neither of them was saying anything in Kagome's defense. Nothing. Nothing at all.

The pain Kikyo had spoken of so often, the pain created by the sliver of soul in the false body, the pain which had twisted Kikyo toward blind hatred, now twisted Kagome more fully toward blind grief, convincing her utterly of her own abandonment and rejection, leaving her little able to defend against a slide into mindless despair.

"All of the grief, pain, and suffering since her arrival here have been the fault of that girl," Kikyo had said with Kagome's own voice. "She should never have been here."

_Gods ... she's right! It's all been my fault, especially the jewel. I should never have come down the well to break the jewel. Or I should have gone back and just stayed there, like Inu-Yasha told me to do._

Kikyo paused briefly before concluding simply, "I should not have died, and she should not have lived."

_I can't listen anymore! They're not even saying anything! They agree with her that I should never have even lived! Gods ... I should never have come here!_

Kagome turned and ran toward the well, her sandaled footfalls upon the dirt blending in with the normal noises of the village, so that even Inu-Yasha with his advanced hearing did not notice.

At any rate, his attention was rather distracted, because as Kagome was running away and out of hearing, Inu-Yasha was staring at Kikyo and exclaiming in outraged horror, "But you stole her body!"

* * *

Kagome was long gone, moments later, when Kikyo stood in her body, aiming a purified arrow at Koga's heart.

"What the hell is going on around here?" Koga demanded, obviously confused. "Kagome would never threaten me! What have you done to her, Dog-Turd?"

"Silence, demon, for words will not save you," Kikyo said coldly, pulling her arrow back, her eyes narrowed.

But before Kikyo let her arrow fly, Kaede raised her wrinkled hand and spoke sternly. "Kikyo, do not harm this wolf prince, for he is friend to Kagome. He meant no harm in approaching you."

Looking back and forth between the two women, Koga frowned and crossed his arms across his chest. "What are you talking about? Why do you call her 'Kikyo', old woman?" But then, out of curiosity, Koga leaned forward, sniffing intently. "Hell!" he exclaimed suddenly. As a half-breed, Inu-Yasha might not have noticed a difference, but now that Koga was paying attention he could smell a change in Kagome's aura. The body still smelled like Kagome, but the aura ... there was something to it that smelled like someone else.

It smelled like Inu-Yasha's dead miko.

"Shit! That isn't Kagome! What have you done to her, you dog-faced moron?" Koga was now baring his sharp teeth and tensing as if to attack, his blue eyes trained on Inu-Yasha's golden ones.

Unsheathing Tetsusaiga, Inu-Yasha replied angrily, "I didn't do anything, you idiot, but if you don't get your wimpy wolf ass out of here I'll be glad to wash Tetsusaiga with your inbred blood."

The two demons stared intently into each other's narrowed eyes, crouching in readiness, until, as if at some unheard signal, they leapt simultaneously toward each other. When she saw the wolf demon begin to move, Kikyo released her arrow, but she had not allowed for the speed granted him by the Shikon shards in his legs. Kikyo's arrow found, instead of Koga's heart, a whirlwhind of dust in his wake.

Koga's punch into his stomach sent Inu-Yasha crashing to the dirt, but not before Tetsusaiga had slashed the wolf prince's shoulder. The wound was not serious, but the sight of blood inflamed both their tempers.

"How did you do it?" growled Koga, hatred burning within him. "How did you manage to put your dead miko bitch into Kagome's body?"

"You dare to call Kikyo a 'bitch'?" roared Inu-Yasha, conveniently forgetting how many times he had used the same term to refer to Kagome. Kikyo was different. She was above such things. She was ... sacred. And, anyway, it was one thing for Inu-Yasha to insult Kagome. It would be a completely different thing for someone else to do so.

The dust flew around them as the two demons clashed again and again, Koga pounding Inu-Yasha repeatedly with his fists and incredibly strong legs. Inu-Yasha struck whenever possible with Tetsusaiga, but the wolf prince was too fast for him to strike deep.

Kikyo notched another arrow, but found herself unable to get a clear shot during the struggle.

"I knew you were stupid," Koga spat, punching Inu-Yasha across the jaw with a force that sent blood flying out of Inu-Yasha's mouth onto the dirt. "Preferring a walking corpse to kind" -- punch! -- "brave" -- kick! -- "generous" -- double punch to the gut! -- "sweet Kagome..."

Inu-Yasha swung Tetsusaiga blindly, blood running into his eyes from a cut on his forehead, but he did not connect with Koga's body. "Shut up about Kagome!" he roared, baring his teeth in warning. "You don't know anything!" Inu-Yasha struggled to rise, but Koga flew at him again, both feet colliding with Inu-Yasha's chest to send him breathless into the dirt.

To tell the truth, Koga's words were wounding Inu-Yasha as much as the punches and kicks. He hadn't done this to Kagome, but he hadn't been there to protect her, either. And he'd been protecting the person who **did** cast the spell. _Gods! It's all so complicated! What the hell am I supposed to do now?_

"I **knew** you were stupid," repeated Koga, "but this takes the cake."

_Well, besides kicking Koga's ass, that is._

Inu-Yasha drew himself to his feet, aching and badly bruised already, to stubbornly brush the blood out of his eyes, leaving red streaks across his skin. Wielding Tetsusaiga determinedly, Inu-Yasha leapt into the air again, and Koga leapt snarling to meet him.

As the twilight gathered, the two demons whirled and spun and crashed in a strange violent dance punctuated by growls and curses, while the two red-and-white-clad mikos stood helplessly by, one with her bow drawn ready.

* * *

Kagome ran, blinded by tears, toward the Bone-Eaters' Well. _They all think this is my fault. They think everything is my fault. Inu-Yasha has Kikyo now, and no one needs me anymore. I was just a shard detector, and now Kikyo can do that ... probably better than I could._

The words she had overheard at Kaede's hut had made her only that much more certain that she should go through the well, back home to Mom and Souta and Grandpa, even if she couldn't live there in this stupid fake body.

 _I just want to see them again,_ she thought as she ran. _I just want to see someone who loves me. Someone who wants me around. I want my family._

When she arrived at the well, she came to a sudden stop, her straight black hair flying forward around her, since it was no longer restrained by the white hair ribbon she had given to Tanaka.

Writhing and twining around the well were five soul skimmers, each holding a bright soul in its sharp, insect-like legs.

"Not again," moaned Kagome aloud. "Shoo! Go away!" But the soul skimmers only flew nearer, winding themselves around her as if in some strange gesture of affection.

"Get away from me!" screeched Kagome, disgusted by the cold smoothness of their bodies when they rubbed against her own skin. The skin of Kikyo's fake body was the same temperature as the air, but the soul skimmers' bodies were even colder, sending shivers all through Kagome in reaction.

As the soul skimmers moved further away, Kagome drew her bow and notched an arrow, aiming for one of the snake-like demons. She tried to gather her purifying energies, but almost nothing happened. Just the faintest glow on the arrow, which disappeared almost immediately. It was as if she had lost her power almost entirely. Still, she had arrows, and she had become a fairly good shot. She followed the soul skimmers with her arrow, preparing to shoot.

But as she stood there, Kikyo's miko clothing billowing around her in the gathering breeze, Kikyo's silky hair brushing against her face, Kikyo's dead heart unbeating in her chest, Kagome could not bring herself to kill the creatures.

_They're only trying to help me, after all. They're just being loyal to Kikyo. They're like her slaves, and that's not their fault. They don't deserve to die for that._

Lowering her bow and sliding it again over her shoulder, Kagome put away her arrow with a sigh. "You don't have to serve me or anyone else anymore," she called out to the soul skimmers. "You're free. Let the souls go, and I won't hurt you." The demons wound around her again, crowding her with their long chilly bodies as their auras radiated confusion and hope. "Let the souls go, and then you can go, too. I don't want anybody being my slave ... not you and not those souls. So go!"

And at that last word, the soul skimmers released the souls they held and broke free from their encircling of Kagome's body. They hesitated briefly, as if uncertain, but then scattered into the gathering twilight, their bodies weaving through the dense forest with an eerie light. And then they were gone.

Kagome sat on the edge of the well, just as she had done so many times before. But she had never done it in Kikyo's body, and the experience was strange. She looked down at the traditional miko clothing she wore and thought, _Well, this outfit won't be so strange at home at the shrine, anyway. Still, I wonder what everyone'll say when I show up looking like some dead priestess they've never met. I can't go to school like this. Gods, I'm still so scared! What kind of life can I have like this? And I keep getting weaker, and my powers are gone! All I can do is go home, and hope that they'll still love me anyway._

As she tensed to jump over the edge, Kagome suddenly had a thought. _There are probably still souls inside this body, souls Kikyo absorbed before the spell. I hadn't thought of that! I can't take them back to my time ... they don't belong there ... they might never find rest. I have to let them go here, so they can go up to heaven like they should have a long time ago._

Uncertain how to go about releasing the souls within her, Kagome again tried to gather her power, closing her eyes and concentrating as hard as she could, thinking intently, _Let the souls go free._ And then, suddenly, her body was buffeted as if by strong winds, and she opened her eyes to see bright light streaming from her body in all directions, streaming toward the sky. _It's the souls! They're free now!_

Quite weak now, relying on her remaining physical strength and grim determination, Kagome swung her legs over the edge of the well, and with a last look at the God Tree where she had first seen Inu-Yasha, where this whole mess had started, she jumped in.

* * *

Inu-Yasha and Koga were both bloodied and bruised by this time, because though Koga clearly had the upper-hand, he was not escaping unharmed. And though Kikyo fired arrows whenever an occasion presented itself, she had done no serious damage, because of her efforts to avoid hitting Inu-Yasha.

"So," panted Koga, bashing Inu-Yasha's head against the ground as the dog demon struggled to throw his captor off. "You put your bitch in Kagome's body, did you?" Inu-Yasha growled and clawed at Koga's arms, but found himself unable to throw the wolf prince off his chest.

Staring down into Inu-Yasha's eyes with rage and hatred clear upon his face, Koga spat, "You took Kagome's body ... against her will ... for your own pleasure. There's a word for that, you know."

Catching the wolf demon's implication, Inu-Yasha felt a fury begin boiling in his blood. Roaring, not wanting to listen to any more of Koga's words, Inu-Yasha struggled to his feet and held Tetsusaiga before him, his teeth gritting in still-increasing anger. Leaping at the wolf prince, he swung Tetsusaiga with all his strength, succeeding only in nicking Koga's heel as the jewel shards in his legs allowed him to leap far quicker than Inu-Yasha could swing.

Suddenly, Inu-Yasha saw dozens of lights fly into the twilit sky. They came from the direction of the well. _Could it be...?_

But while Inu-Yasha was momentarily distracted by the sight, Koga siezed his opportunity, and struck such a mighty blow that Tetsusaiga was knocked several yards away, leaving Inu-Yasha lying stunned with his head partially embedded into a now-splintered tree trunk.

Planting a foot on either side of Inu-Yasha's waist, towering over the dazed dog demon, Koga glared down at his injured adversary and hissed, "Using a woman's body against her will, Dog-Turd? That's RAPE. How dare you rape Kagome, you insolent half-breed? How DARE you? For this, you will DIE!" And with those words, Koga reached down a hand and tore out a large portion of Inu-Yasha's throat, sending dark blood spraying across Inu-Yasha's chest and Koga's legs.

An arrow whistled toward Koga as he stood glaring down at his foe, but he leapt easily out of the way and turned, advancing now toward Kikyo. "You stole Kagome's body, bitch? How? And where is she? Unlike that pathetic half-breed runt, I LOVE Kagome, and I want to know what you've done with her. NOW!"

But the dead miko wearing Kagome's skin was not looking at Koga. She was looking past him, over his shoulder, and her eyes were wide with disbelief and horror.

* * *

At the bottom of the well, Kagome lay rubbing her elbow, which had been bumped when she landed on the hard dirt. Leaning back her head, she looked up above her ... and saw faint stars in a periwinkle sky, rather than the roof she had been hoping for.

_I didn't go home! The well didn't work! I'm stuck here forever!_

But before Kagome could get herself worked into true hysterics, she felt a sudden sharp pain in her heart.

_How can I feel pain in my heart when Kikyo's heart in this body is dead? Believe me ... I know it's dead. No heartbeat. Creepy lack of heartbeat in the middle of the night. Boy, do I know._

Kagome felt another sharp pulse of pain, and doubled over with a cry.

_What is that? It's like ... it's like it isn't my physical heart, because that's part of Kikyo's body. It's like ... it's like I'm feeling pain in my heart where I keep everything I feel, where I keep my love for everyone dear to me, where I hurt when Inu-Yasha says mean things. It isn't my physical heart ... it's ... something else. Something **mine** , not Kikyo's._

And then another pain rolled through her and she suddenly gasped, as if some unspoken communication had been sent directly to her heart on this most recent wave of pain.

_Inu ... Yasha?_

* * *

"Inu ... Yasha?" gasped Kikyo, her borrowed face grown pale.

Koga turned to look behind him, and saw the hanyou standing once again, blood staining his white hair all along his left side, blood flowing down his chest to soak his torn red haori. Inu-Yasha's head was down, his chest rising and falling with deep breaths, his hands clenching over and over again as he flexed his claws.

When Inu-Yasha at last raised his head, Koga too gasped. The dog demon's eyes were entirely red, his face feral, his fangs bared in bloodthirsty rage. And then Inu-Yasha leapt.

Koga only narrowly dodged the swiping claws, for the two adversaries were now much more evenly matched. _What the hell is going on here? I was sure he was dead, but now he's like a full demon!_

Kikyo stood frozen for long moments, watching the two strike and dodge, watching Inu-Yasha's transformed face with disgusted shock. _How can that be Inu-Yasha? He is ... he is a beast!_

Knocking Koga to the ground with a blow that left the wolf prince unconscious, Inu-Yasha felt a purified arrow skim his left shoulder, where blood already flowed from his severely-damaged neck. He turned to look at the miko who now held a second arrow aimed at him. She had tried to kill him with that miko power shit!

Flexing his claws again, Inu-Yasha growled low in his throat, though it sent pain through his injury, and began to advance upon the younger miko, the one who had tried to kill him.

But then he felt a strange sensation, and he paused, scenting the air. A body was coming, but it wasn't the scent of the body that had made him hesitate. It was some small difference in the aura. It was familiar. It was ... confusing.

And then Kagome suddenly arrived at a dead run, jolting to a stop at the sight of the two bloodied demons and the two watching mikos. Kikyo held a bow and arrow trained on a full-demon Inu-Yasha.

"Kikyo," said Kagome calmly, "put down your bow." Kagome began to walk slowly toward Inu-Yasha, not wanting to startle him. She spared a glance for Koga and saw that his chest still rose and fell with his breaths, though shallowly. He would be okay after some time to recover.

"This is none of your concern, girl. Inu-Yasha is nothing but a beast now, a demon. He must be destroyed." Kikyo sounded almost as if she were in shock, as if the sight of Inu-Yasha's full-demon form had shaken her understanding of his being, as if she now questioned whether she had ever known Inu-Yasha at all before this moment. Taking a deep breath, Kikyo stood tall and drew her arrow back even more tautly.

Both Kaede and Kagome shouted urgently, "No!"

Kikyo turned to look at her sister and asked coldly, "Why would you beg for the life of a demon? Have you not seen what he is? Look at him! Look and see what he is!" Subtle tears glimmered in Kikyo's eyes, but her face was blank and determined.

Meanwhile, Inu-Yasha had been glancing between the three women in confusion, his red eyes glinting cruelly, his claws still flexing eagerly, ready for more bloodshed.

Kagome continued to walk toward him, though he growled at her warningly. "Stay away from me," he grunted. But she only shook her head.

Wracking her brains for what to do, Kagome suddenly remembered the last time this had happened, and how she had dealt with it. "Sit!" she cried confidently, but full-demon Inu-Yasha only tilted his head to peer at her curiously. _Oh gods! It's because these darn bodies are switched!_

"Say 'sit'!" she yelled at Kikyo, but the miko only gazed at her impassively, turning to aim her purified arrow at Inu-Yasha once more. _Stubborn bitch!_ though Kagome with unaccustomed heat. _Why can't she just do what I say?_

"Do as Kagome asks, Kikyo," urged Kaede, "for there is a spell upon Inu-Yasha's rosary which will subdue him if you say the correct word."

But Kikyo ignored both of the other women, still staring aghast at the savagery apparent in Inu-Yasha's wild red eyes, the sharp claws that flexed with their desire to rend flesh.

"Look at him!" Kikyo cried at last with quiet dismay. "Inu-Yasha is a mindless beast, a demon, and he must be destroyed. I have destroyed countless other demons before him, but with him I always stayed my hand. I thought he was different, because of his human blood. Now I see that he is no different from they. He is a demon, and if I let him go he will continue his hunt for the Shikon jewel."

Taking her aim, resolve clear on her face, Kikyo concluded simply, "No. Inu-Yasha must die."

Running forward toward Inu-Yasha, Kagome yelled, "Wait!" Interpreting this sudden movement as a threat, Inu-Yasha crouched low in preparation to spring, but then Kagome was near enough to touch him and he hesitated. Throwing her arms around him, putting herself within deadly reach of his claws and fangs, Kagome cried desperately, "Inu-Yasha! Inu-Yasha! You have to transform back!"

And as she pressed herself close to his body, Inu-Yasha stood slowly from his crouch, surprised and confused, his arms limp at his sides. But as the girl held him it seemed almost as if another heart beat in rhythm with his own. He heard no sound of heartbeat ... it was as if he felt it inside ... and it calmed him ... made him feel warm and cared for ... and Inu-Yasha's arms slowly came up to wrap themselves around Kagome, pulling her even closer to him, his head lowering to nestle against hers.

Kikyo hesitated, her arrow ready, her mind in confusion. _How...?_

And when Inu-Yasha at last raised his head, his eyes were once again their usual gold, his face lost and confused in the brief moment before he slumped out of Kagome's arms, falling to the ground in a puddle of blood where he promptly lost consciousness.


	8. Drawing on the Soul

When Inu-Yasha fell to the ground, Kagome dropped to her knees, immediately pressing both hands over the gaping hole in his neck, desperately trying to staunch the flow of blood. "Inu-Yasha?" she cried urgently, gazing into his slack face. His eyelids did not move, and his skin was far paler than normal. "Inu-Yasha, listen to me! You're gonna be okay." Kagome turned to look over her shoulder for help, but Kaede had vanished, presumably into the hut for medicinal supplies.

Kikyo stood motionless near the wall of the hut, staring at Inu-Yasha with a horror which had now calmed to a haughty disgust. "Why do you try to save his life?" Kikyo asked when she saw that Kagome was looking at her. "Why do you try to salvage the life of a monster?"

"Inu-Yasha is NOT a monster!" Kagome spat, leaning protectively over the hanyou's body as if to shield him from the other woman's harsh words. "YOU are the monster, Kikyo. So if you aren't going to help, then just get the hell out of here." Turning back to face Inu-Yasha again, her blood-slick hands still pressed to his terrible wound, Kagome leaned close to the top of his head, resting her cheek against his hair and whispering in his left ear, "You aren't a monster, Inu-Yasha. Don't listen to her. I know you love her, but she's a bitch. She doesn't know you, Inu-Yasha. I know you, and I love you, and you are NOT a monster. So you'd better fight, because you still have a LOT to live for, Inu-Yasha. And I'll be really really mad at you if you give up after everything you've survived before!"

Kagome's frantic whispers were interrupted by the arrival of Kaede with a jug of water and a basket filled with bandages and medicinal salve. "Do not move your hands, Kagome, for you hold the flesh closed as well as can be done. I shall wash the wound and apply the salve as best I can around you, and then we must wrap the bandages quickly."

The two women worked smoothly and efficiently together from plentiful experience. Inu-Yasha's transformation to full-demon had allowed him to ignore his injuries far too long, and he had lost a great deal of blood. Even with his usual quick healing, he would need care and time to recover.

Soon, Inu-Yasha's neck was tightly bandaged and it was time to transport him inside before treating his plentiful other injuries. The hanyou was too heavy for the women to lift him easily between themselves, and Kikyo still offered no assistance, and so Kagome turned to look at Koga, who had regained consciousness and seemed none the worse for the bump on his head.

"Koga, please help us carry him inside." Kagome knew the request was ironic, given that Inu-Yasha's injuries were Koga's own work, but she needed the help and he was standing right there.

But Koga only sniffed the air, once, and then again, and looked at Kagome with confusion. His voice was tentative when he said, "Kagome?"

Kagome only sighed heavily, leaning back to rest on her heels where she crouched beside Inu-Yasha's body. "Yeah, it's me. Look, it's a really long story. But could you just please help?" She gazed up at Koga with a plea in her eyes ... eyes which Koga could see were not her own, and yet which shone with Kagome's sweet light.

With only a token show of reluctance and a few muttered insults regarding the hanyou's lineage, Koga picked up Inu-Yasha and carried him into the hut, settling him on the mat Kaede indicated. Kaede immediately began removing Inu-Yasha's torn haori so that she could wash and dress his other wounds.

"Thank you, Koga." Kagome stood before the wolf demon and gave him a pained smile, aware that he was staring at Kikyo's body and face with a certain amount of curious displeasure. _I know I don't look like me. I know I look like HER. But I'm me! I'm Kagome!_ And then, suddenly, she gasped.

"What is it?" Koga moved closer to her and looked around for a source of danger. Kaede too looked up from her work.

Kagome swayed unsteadily where she stood, murmuring softly, "It feels ... it feels as if ... my soul is being ... pulled away ... drawn out of my body..." Koga wrapped an arm around the girl's shoulders to hold her upright lest she fall, as she seemed to be weakening quickly.

At that moment, Kikyo pushed aside the hanging mat which blocked the doorway and stepped into the hut. A slight smile upon her otherwise impassive face, she watched Kagome as she said, "You feel it too. Yes, this body wishes to complete its soul. Abandon that false body's life of pain, let this soul become complete, and I shall use its power to wreak vengeance upon Naraku without need of the demon Inu-Yasha's assistance!"

Kagome stared at Kikyo a long moment, almost as if in a trance, but then broke free of Koga's grasp and ran from the hut.

* * *

Kagome ran blindly, tears clouding her vision, and did not stop until the pulling sensation on her soul had faded. Apparently her instincts had guided her, for when she stopped running, she found herself once again at the well. Collapsing beside the wooden structure, Kagome rested against it and allowed herself to cry some more.

_There's no one to see. I don't have to be brave. I can just admit that I'm tired of being so alone and so scared! And now Kikyo has some kind of control over the only small amount of soul I have. I miss Inu-Yasha! I miss Mom! I'm so tired of having to deal with everything by myself. Is it so much to ask to have somebody take care of me? Just for a little while? And not try to steal my soul or kill me? I wish I was a kid again and I could hide under the covers and never come out. Because I've gotta say ... lately ... things have really sucked. Really really sucked._

When Koga stepped into the clearing, he found her pressed against the old well, her hands covering her face, her hair in disarray around her. She still wore the unfamiliar miko clothing, her white blouse now heavily stained with Inu-Yasha's blood so that it was even darker in color than her red hibakama.

Standing some distance away, Koga watched her, sniffing the air again to investigate the strange scent of this unfamiliar body, as well as the slight hint of Kagome in the unfamiliar aura, though the overriding scent was still Inu-Yasha's blood, mingled with his own.

It had been disconcerting, seeing Kagome's body possessed by someone else, particularly someone so cold and scornful, so little like Kagome's own kind, feisty personality. It was also disconcerting to see Kagome's eyes shining from within this distasteful unliving body. It was all very confusing, and Koga wondered what Inu-Yasha had done to mess things up so badly.

Not wanting to startle the girl, Koga walked slowly toward her, certain that she must be growing aware of his presence. When he was almost near enough to touch, she started, turning her head to blink up at him in surprise with red-rimmed eyes, wet tracks on her cheeks. "I didn't know you were there," she murmured tearfully, lowering her face into her hands again. "I can't sense shards ... I can't sense anything ... I'm totally useless."

Sitting cautiously nearby, Koga pondered what to say. Kagome was obviously very upset, but the whole situation was so complicated that he really wasn't sure exactly which part had sent her into tears. Was it because Dog-Turd was hurt? Was it because she was in this weird body? Was it because of something else? He had no idea what to say, and so he simply sat there, a frown furrowing his brow, his blue eyes watching her with hard-won patience. He was tempted to just grab her and take her back to his cave, but that hadn't worked particularly well in the past, so he tried to wait until she was able to talk.

Gradually, Kagome's tears subsided and she wiped the tears from her cheeks, not realizing that Inu-Yasha's blood was upon her hands, and therefore leaving red streaks across her face. Feeling the moisture on her hands, she looked down, shuddering at the sight of so much blood. _Inu-Yasha! Will you live? There's nothing I can do to help you. And you don't want me here. I know that. I won't get in the way. Kaede'll take good care of you, even if Kikyo is being a bitch. Gods ... how can you love her so much? But ... but I really hope you're okay, Inu-Yasha. I really really hope you're going to be okay._

Growing self-conscious with Koga watching her, Kagome apologized quietly, "I'm sorry. I'm a little distracted. There's a lot going on."

"Come with me, and you won't have to deal with this. I'll take care of you," Koga insisted quickly, glad that the time had finally come to speak.

Kagome smiled sadly. "I can't, Koga. I wouldn't be any good to you now. I can't sense the shards, and I can't purify arrows anymore, either."

"I would still have you for my mate," replied Koga promptly. "I can protect you far better than that half-breed puppy ever could."

Kagome frowned in frustration. "Koga, don't you even SEE me? Don't you see that I'm in some other girl's body, and it's a DEAD body? And I'm weak and useless?"

Koga's eyebrow went up and he shrugged carelessly. "You're still Kagome."

Kagome's tears began to roll helplessly down her cheeks again at those words. _Yes, I'm still Kagome, whatever that means anymore. And he wants to take care of me. Can't I just let him do that? Would that be so wrong? I can't go home ... and Inu-Yasha doesn't want me ... and Koga does. He wants to protect me. And I'm just so tired, and so scared, and I don't want to be alone anymore._

"I have to see Inu-Yasha," Kagome insisted. "Then ... I don't know. I guess so. I don't really have anywhere else to go..." Her voice trailed off in exhaustion. It wasn't a weakness that would be alleviated by sleep, but she felt as if she could barely find the energy to move.

Pleased that she had implied a willingness to come with him, Koga quickly offered, "I can carry you there. You shouldn't strain yourself for that runt."

Kagome nodded, and Koga leaned over to slide one arm under her knees, the other around her back, lifting her to his chest. Before she could even react, he had whisked her away toward the village.

But Kagome struggled in his arms almost immediately, crying, "No! Wait!" and so Koga skidded to a stop. Kagome was panting heavily, shaking her head and clutching her chest. "I can't go back there. I can feel it ... she's trying to take my soul again ... I can feel it as we get closer ... it's like DYING. I can't go back there ... I can't go any closer."

"Well, then, let's move further away," declared Koga simply, and headed instead in the direction of his clan's cave. 

* * *

That night, Kagome slept surrounded by warmth, nestled among Koga's wolves, her fingers curled in their thick fur. She had weakly protested when Koga tried to wash the blood from her face and hands, and so the wolves had initially sniffed her with rather alarming interest. But at one sharp word from Koga, the wolves had relaxed and lay down together to sleep, no longer seeming aware of Kagome as an entity separate from themselves. She was part of the pack.

Lying in the darkness of the cave, Kagome relished the heat of the wolves' bodies. She had missed warmth, missed touching and being touched. She was grateful that Koga was keeping a gentlemanly distance instead of expecting to sleep near her, but she was also grateful for the comforting presence of the animals.

The wolves' hearts beat loudly in the silence, or so it seemed to her. She had become so horribly accustomed to long nights without any living sound, the sound of hearts beating nearly brought tears to her eyes.

Inu-Yasha's blood had dried dark upon her skin, and now cracked here and there, flaking in some places. But it was part of him. She hadn't wanted to leave, and so she wasn't willing to wash off the only part of him left to her.

Though Kikyo's unnatural body got no benefit from sleep, Kagome had found that slumber provided some small escape from the harshness of this new world she'd been forced into. And tonight she just felt so tired, so weak, as if Kikyo's hated body was failing around her. _Is it because of the souls? Because I let them go? Or is it because she was pulling at **my** soul earlier tonight? I just ... I feel like I can barely move. Like all I can do is lie here. I don't understand any of this. What's happening to me? Am I ... am I going to die like this?_

Around her, Koga's wolves breathed deeply, their hearts beating slow and steady in the warm darkness. Seeking comfort, Kagome ran her hands over their thick fur ... it reminded her of Inu-Yasha, though his hair was much softer. But the texture was still similar, and therefore comforting. And so, with a quiet sigh, Kagome lay among the snoring wolves and eventually fell asleep.

* * *

The dream wasn't always exactly the same, but it was always familiar.

In the moonlit clearing, Inu-Yasha's long white hair billowed as he moved, flowing gracefully behind him almost as if in slow motion. The tall grasses brushed against his bare feet and red hakama as he walked toward her. Though she was dressed in the traditional miko clothes, he felt no confusion. This was Kagome, with her wide, expressive gray eyes and her bright smile and lovely scent. He'd been looking for her for so long!

"Kagome!" he cried with relief, pulling her into his arms and holding her close to him, his heart beating fast and glad in his chest. "Kagome! You're safe!"

Looking down at her, he suddenly noticed blood on her face and clothes, and her hands and arms were thickly stained. His golden eyes widening in horror, he frantically looked to see if she had some terrible injury, but he saw nothing.

"Don't worry, Inu-Yasha," she smiled up at him, her gray eyes soft and gentle, her wonderful scent surrounding him and soothing him. "I'll be all right. I'm scared sometimes, but I'll be all right."

Pulling her close again, Inu-Yasha pressed her head against his red haori, his hand tangling in her dark hair. "Don't be scared, Kagome. I'll protect you. Nothing will ever hurt you ... I promise."

But her voice was small and sad when she replied, "You can't promise that, Inu-Yasha. I'm sorry. You can't protect me from this."

Pulling away so that he could look down into her face again, flinching at the streaks of blood upon her skin, Inu-Yasha frowned and asked, "What can't I protect you from? Tell me, and I'll find a way!"

But Kagome only shook her head slightly, reaching up a hand to gently caress his cheek. "I'm going to have to leave, Inu-Yasha. I'm sorry. I can't help it."

Her palm lay flat along the side of his face, cradling his cheek with her soft warmth, but Inu-Yasha felt a sudden chill at the sound of her words. He didn't want her to leave! Before he could speak, however, a small boy came hurtling from behind a tree and hugged Kagome's legs, his tears wetting the red cloth of her hibakama. "I don't want you to leave," he sobbed.

Pulling herself from Inu-Yasha's arms, Kagome knelt and gently held the boy's face in her hands, drying his tears with her fingers as best she could, not even realizing that she was leaving dark red smudges of blood upon his skin. "I have to leave, Tanaka, but I won't forget you."

Throwing his small arms around her neck, the boy hugged her tightly, his remaining tears wetting the side of her neck and her thick waving hair. "I love you, Lady Kagome," he whispered, sniffling.

Kagome smiled softly, turning to look up at Inu-Yasha as she spoke. "I love you too. And so you'll always be in my heart. Because that's what love is."

* * *

Inu-Yasha woke to find himself in Kaede's hut, and in a fair amount of pain. His neck and throat, in particular, felt as if they were on fire. He tried to keep a grasp on the memory of the dream he'd been having, but the sharp pain in his body drove the lingering images from his mind.

Still, his first waking thought was simple, despite his body's injuries.

_Kagome! Where is she? I ... I don't want her to leave!_


	9. Blindness and Sight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **New Japanese Terms:** Only one new one this chapter.  
>  kitsune \-- Literally, this just means "fox," but in Japan foxes are traditionally believed to have supernatural powers such as the ability to change shape, so in this setting you might translate it something like a "fox spirit" or "fox demon." Shippo is a young kitsune.

_Kagome ... was she really here? Or was it just another dream?_

It was difficult to think. Inu-Yasha's mind was cloudy, as if his thoughts were rising up through some thick fog of confusion. He'd felt this way before ... always after times when he'd lost a lot of blood. Given how confused his mind was, he figured he must be pretty bad off.

_I remember ... fighting Koga ... and then Kagome ..._

Struggling to remain conscious, Inu-Yasha forced his eyes open, though they were so heavy that his lids lifted only enough to show him a sliver of the world outside his head.

"You are awake, Inu-Yasha. This is good news." It was the old woman, Kaede. He tried to turn toward her voice, to open his eyes wider, but his body did not cooperate, instead only sending a tearing pain through his neck, causing him to gasp ... but even that small motion of his throat served to increase the pain. Inu-Yasha closed his eyes again and lay still, flat on his back, and tried to slow his breathing, for even his panting in response to the pain made things worse.

"Your injuries are severe. You were very nearly killed, and so you must take the time to heal before attempting to move about. You have lost a great deal of blood, and your throat is gravely wounded."

Inu-Yasha slit his eyes open again, and saw the old woman, who had moved to put herself within his range of sight. He was grateful. She pressed a moist cloth to his face, gently washing his cheeks and forehead, and he closed his eyes again.

"K-" he began to say, but excruciating pain exploded in his throat, and the syllable was sharply truncated.

"Do not try to speak, Inu-Yasha, for you shall only worsen the injury to your throat. You must give the wound time to heal."

But Inu-Yasha whispered softly, almost only a breath of air, "Kagome?"

"Kagome is safe, Inu-Yasha, as safe as is possible for her to be. But she has gone. I am sure she would have wished to stay to make sure you recovered well, but ... I believe she was forced to leave, to protect herself." Kaede continued wiping his face with her cool wet cloth as she spoke, and it felt surprisingly comforting. Her voice was somber as she continued, "It appears that Kagome's soul still has the ability to draw itself together, and so, now that Kikyo possesses and controls the larger portion ... Kagome was forced to go, or face losing the small amount of soul Kikyo's body still retains."

Inu-Yasha lay still and silent, allowing Kaede to move on to carefully examining his other wounds. _Kikyo ... did you truly cast this spell yourself? Did you steal Kagome's body ... on purpose? But ... why would you harm Kagome? She is innocent in this! Kikyo ... have you changed so much? You were once so kind, so pure and noble ... Kikyo, do you hate me so very much?_

He did not sense Kikyo's presence in the hut. Had she left? Had she ... _No ... she wouldn't go after Kagome, would she? Gods ... no!_

Suddenly panicked, Inu-Yasha clenched Kaede's hand in his own, causing water to squeeze from the cloth she held, his claws biting into her skin. "Where?" he gasped desperately, slitting his eyes open again to peer intently at the old woman's face. "Where?" With his repetition of the word, Inu-Yasha's throat spasmed, causing him to cough, flecks of blood appearing on his lips.

"Inu-Yasha! You must calm yourself or you will tear your wound more gravely! Rest assured that Kagome is safe. She has gone with the wolf prince, whom you know shall do her no harm. And Kikyo remains here. She is outside." In truth, since his transformation, Kikyo had expressed silent but obvious disgust at the sight of Inu-Yasha, and so had taken to walking in the countryside as much as possible to keep herself away from the hut. She had refused to assist with Inu-Yasha's care, and remained aloof from even Kaede.

_Koga? Kagome went with Koga? That flea-bitten windbag? He couldn't keep her safe from a kitsune, let alone someone more powerful -- not Kikyo! not Kikyo! please not Kikyo! -- so why would she go with him? And right after he tried to kill me! Not that he **could** have, of course, because he's too much of a conceited weakling for that. But, still, he was attacking me, and apparently she just ran into his arms afterward, while I was unconscious! Why is she always forgiving him for everything, then getting all pissed off at me for nothing at all? Stupid bitch. She's got less brains than an ant. Koga! Hrmph! That tail-wagging bastard, always sweet-talking her ... and she's just stupid enough to fall for it, too._

Instinctively, a growl started low in his throat, but again the sound was abruptly cut off by the pain it caused. _Stupid fucking throat!_

Still, no matter how much she forgave Koga, Kagome had never actually just **left** with him before ... at least, not voluntarily. She'd never just picked up and **took off** with Koga without even waiting to make sure Inu-Yasha wasn't going to croak.

She must have been pretty damned scared, then. Because Inu-Yasha knew Kagome, and she wouldn't just leave like that, not without a damned good reason.

_Could Kikyo have really been drawing the soul out of her? Maybe it wasn't on purpose, like when Kagome drew back the soul after that Urasue bitch first raised Kikyo. Kagome hadn't been trying to pull the soul out of Kikyo ... it just ... happened. Right? Because Kagome would never do that on purpose._

_But ... would Kikyo?_

_Would Kikyo really do that? Have I been so blind?_

_Was Koga ... was Koga right? That damned bastard! He said ... the last thing I remember is him saying ... that this was like ... rape._ Inu-Yasha's mind shied away from the word, his body tensing, leading Kaede to murmur as she continued to treat his wounds. _If Kikyo really did this on purpose -- surely she didn't! -- but **if** she did ... if she stole Kagome's body, if she took it and used it against Kagome's will ... then ... it ... it **is** like she raped Kagome..._

_And I just let her do it._

_Gods! What must Kagome think? No wonder she went with Koga! I wasn't there to protect her. If I'd been there ... if I hadn't chased those damned soul skimmers ... if I wasn't always so fucking quick to run off to find Kikyo ... then Kagome would be fine right now ... she would never have gotten hurt. Instead, she's ... she ... what must she be going through? Gods! ... Kagome, Kagome ... do you hate me now, too? I'm so sorry!_

Kaede raised a clean, wet cloth to Inu-Yasha's lips and squeezed gently so that a small amount of liquid seeped into his mouth. He was extremely thirsty, and so attempted to swallow, despite the pain it caused.

"I am giving you a tea to help you sleep, to give your body time to heal itself." Inu-Yasha tried to shake his head, to object, but the old woman spoke again. "You spoke before of recurring dreams you had been experiencing, dreams of Kagome. I told you then that it is possible for two hearts to be linked, just as souls can be linked." Kaede squeezed some more liquid into his parched mouth, and though he did not want to sleep he swallowed gratefully, his throat burning with the movement, his thirst even more pressing than the pain.

Kaede's voice had grown more gentle as she told Inu-Yasha, "If your heart is linked to Kagome's, then it is possible that she has been reaching out to you, whether she realizes it or not. And so you should sleep, Inu-Yasha, and if your throat has healed somewhat when you wake, tell me of your dreams, and we shall consider their meaning."

Comforted by the miko's suggestion, Inu-Yasha lay still and allowed the fog to rise again in his mind, soothing the pain and urging him to sleep.

* * *

Kagome reached up a hand to gently caress his cheek. "I'm going to have to leave, Inu-Yasha. I'm sorry. I can't help it. It'll be soon now." Her gentle scent surrounded him, and he drew her into his lungs as if she were air. In truth, she was more precious to him than air, more necessary to him than breath.

Her palm lay flat along the side of his face, cradling his cheek with her soft warmth. He wanted to lean into that warmth, wanted to wrap himself in that unconditional acceptance he had been searching for his whole life. He wanted to turn his face and press a kiss to her smooth palm. He wanted to hold her close to him and never let her go, never let her leave him. But his voice wouldn't work. He couldn't ask her to stay, couldn't beg her not to leave him, to **never** leave him, to stay with him always.

She smiled softly, her gray eyes sweet and sincere. "But I do love you, Inu-Yasha. And so you'll always be in my heart. Because that's what love is."

* * *

The next time Inu-Yasha woke, he heard familiar voices talking nearby. Kaede was speaking with Sango and Miroku, who seemed to have returned only recently. The elderly miko was telling them about recent events, and they were asking numerous questions.

Once again struggling to move, Inu-Yasha found that some of his strength had returned. He was uncertain how long he had been sleeping, but he was now able to struggle to a sitting position, though his neck did throb painfully with his movements.

"Inu-Yasha!" chided Kaede immediately. "You are still not healed, and if you move about too freely, your wound may re-open, endangering your life again."

But Inu-Yasha used the wall to assist him in coming to a standing position, his face grim and determined. "Kagome," he rasped painfully, looking about for Tetsusaiga.

Sango stepped forward to stand before him. "Kagome would not want for you to endanger your life like this, Inu-Yasha, when you have been so badly injured. She is safe. Shippo and Kirara and I are going to travel to Koga's cave to see her, so we will bring back word as soon as we can."

Inu-Yasha shook his head in frustration, but the movement set his neck wound to bleeding again, the red showing bright through the bandage. The pain was sharp, and Inu-Yasha's mind swam again. _Did Kaede give me more of that damned tea while I was asleep?_

Stumbling, Inu-Yasha nearly fell, but Miroku quickly stepped forward to support part of his weight, lowering him carefully to sit on the floor, and then to lie flat again. The hanyou's facial expression left little doubt as to his mood, and curses shone in his eyes even if they were not spoken aloud.

Sango came to sit beside Inu-Yasha as he became increasingly drowsy. _I knew it! It's that damned tea! Stupid old hag!_

"Inu-Yasha, I feel I must tell you something before we go. Something ... which Kagome told me in confidence before all of this happened, but which I believe you should know."

Inu-Yasha fought the growing fog in his mind, watching Sango's face intently. "What is it?" he croaked, coughing horribly for a moment after speaking the words. Afterward, there was blood in his mouth, but Kaede knowingly pressed a cloth to his lips, which came away red. With her one eye, she glared at him with a disapproving protectiveness. But Inu-Yasha ignored her and looked back to Sango. She had something to tell him about Kagome.

Looking down at her hands briefly, Sango hesitated before glancing cautiously at the doorway to the hut and then saying quietly, "Kikyo has tried to kill Kagome in the past, when she stole the unfinished jewel." Sango looked at Inu-Yasha's face and saw the confusion and hurt expressed there. "Kagome did not tell you, Inu-Yasha, because she knew of your feelings for Kikyo. She did not want to force you to choose."

 _Choose?_ The word resonated inside Inu-Yasha's mind. He remembered something from his dreams, something about choosing, about needing to choose, or not wanting to choose. _"Inu-Yasha, I never want you to have to choose."_

"I am sorry, Inu-Yasha, to tell you such news when you are injured, but I felt that you should know before I leave. Given what Kaede has told us regarding Kikyo's ability to draw on Kagome's soul, it seemed ... important." The young woman stood then, and offered Inu-Yasha a small apologetic smile. "We shall go to find Kagome, then. I am sure she would like to know that you are recovering from your wounds. And we shall bring back word quickly."

As Sango stepped out of the way, Kaede rushed forward and began preparing to re-dress Inu-Yasha's torn neck and throat, trusting that her herbal medicines would help him to sleep and feel less pain.

And as Inu-Yasha's head grew more and more clouded, thoughts flitted through his head.

_Kikyo ... it really was you ... you tried to kill Kagome ... you stole her body ... Kikyo ... has your hatred for me changed you so much? Have you become so cold? Have you become so ... evil? Kikyo? How can I protect someone who ... how can I ... how could you **do** such things?_


	10. The Gathering Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Japanese Terms:** the same clothing terms as before, plus...  
>  bouzu \-- insulting slang for a Buddhist monk (I've used this one before, but it was way back in Chapter 2, so I thought I'd give a reminder)

When Inu-Yasha next woke, the hut was quiet. He opened his eyes and saw that it was mid-day, the sun shining bright. Outside, birds twittered and sang. _How many days has it been? That fucking hag keeps drugging me!_ Struggling to a sitting position, Inu-Yasha looked around him. He was bare-chested but heavily bandaged, with various bowls of medicines and bandages lying close to the straw mat where he had been sleeping.

Miroku sat against the far wall, his staff leaning against his chest and shoulder, his eyes closed either in meditation or sleep. Sometimes it was difficult to tell. But then Miroku calmly opened his eyes and spoke. "It is good to see you awake, Inu-Yasha. Lady Kaede was at times quite concerned for your safety, but I am told your wounds have been healing well."

Inu-Yasha stretched experimentally and was pleased to feel no significant pain. His ribs no longer ached as if they'd been broken, and his left arm now moved easily. Even his throat felt considerably better, and so he decided to try speaking again.

"Fucking bouzu," he grumbled. His throat barely hurt at all when he spoke. He could still feel that the wound on the outside of his neck had not fully healed, but at least he no longer had to whisper. It had been humiliating.

But Miroku only chuckled lightly at Inu-Yasha's insult. "You seem quite yourself again. That is good news." The monk paused briefly before adding seriously, "We have missed your strength and friendship during these confusing times."

Though he did not touch the dressing on the wound on his neck, Inu-Yasha tore off the rest of his bandages with impatient hands and tossed them aside, ignoring the visible signs of recent gashes only barely healed. He looked around for his kimono and haori and found them washed, mended, and neatly folded nearby.

Pulling on his white kimono, Inu-Yasha finally reacted to Miroku's words. "'Confusing times'? Fucking ' **confusing times** '? Is that what you call it when Kagome's body gets stolen, Koga accuses me of rape, my demon blood transforms me, Kagome shows up in Kikyo's body then runs off with Koga, and Kikyo ends up being fucking **evil**? 'Confusing times'? That's a fucking **understatement** , you moron!"

Miroku was silent for a long moment, contemplating Inu-Yasha's rash words, waiting for the hanyou to realize what he had said.

When Inu-Yasha had finished righting his clothing and was once again dressed in his red haori and everything was tucked and tied properly, he sat cross-legged and stared into space, seeming lost in thought.

"Evil?" prompted Miroku curiously.

Inu-Yasha sighed, rubbing his hands over his face, still brushing away the cobwebs that lingered from such a long, drugged sleep. His voice was tired when he glanced briefly at the monk and explained reluctantly, "Kikyo tried to kill Kagome. And she's the one who cast this spell ... to steal Kagome's body."

Miroku's expression remained calm. "I see."

"You don't sound surprised," muttered Inu-Yasha sullenly.

Nodding, Miroku explained, "It has been apparent for some time that Lady Kikyo's heart was irreparably corrupted by Naraku's deception. She is no longer the gentle priestess who purified and protected the Shikon jewel, but rather a dark creature born of hatred and vengeance."

_This is my fault. If I had only trusted Kikyo, she wouldn't have died in so much pain, filled with so much rage. Kikyo, I would do anything to save you, but ... the Kikyo I knew would never have harmed an innocent girl like Kagome. I'm sorry I hurt you, Kikyo. Can you never forgive me? Can you never find peace?_

A brooding frown on his face, Inu-Yasha rose to his feet and strode from the hut without another word, Miroku gazing after him in sympathetic concern.

* * *

As Inu-Yasha left the hut, he nearly knocked Kaede over as she was coming in. He offered no apology, but simply walked away and leapt into a nearby tree, staring off into the distance with a faraway expression, once again lost in thought.

With a shrewd glance at the hanyou to quickly gauge his recovered health, Kaede nodded approvingly and then entered the hut, seeming pleased to find Miroku still there. "Lord monk, I have much to discuss with you regarding this situation, if you are willing." Her tone and expression betrayed her obvious worries.

Miroku replied immediately, "Of course, Lady Kaede. I will help in any way that I can."

"I fear that if my sister and Kagome meet again, Kagome's remaining soul shall be drawn from her body, causing her mind and heart to disperse to the heavens. This must be prevented, or the Kagome we know shall cease to exist on this earth."

Miroku frowned slightly before replying, "I take it you wish to use the kokoro magics to save Kagome? I have no experience with these magics, but I am willing to use my spiritual power to help Kagome if it is possible."

Kaede nodded seriously, her face grave. "I do believe that it is possible, with your assistance, for I myself am capable of guiding the magics, though it requires great power. Let us discuss how this might be accomplished..."

* * *

From his perch on a branch high above the ground, Inu-Yasha could see Kikyo in the distance, her white kimono and red hibakama bright against the green grass. It reminded him of the times, so long ago, when he spent his days watching her from afar, waiting to steal the Shikon jewel but never able to bring himself to attack her. That was how everything started.

_Fifty years. And you still hate me so much._

_That day, we were both betrayed. Why did your heart became black with hatred, and mine didn't? I have never tried to kill you. I have only ever tried to save you and protect you. Why? So that you could attack those I lo-- ... those I care about? Is that why I was protecting you? So that you could betray innocent women by stealing their souls and their bodies?_

_Have I been protecting a woman who no longer exists?_

_I did love you once, Kikyo. But I no longer see the woman I loved when I look at you. Now I see Kagome's eyes, Kagome's lips ... but Kagome's smile is gone. Because you've stolen it. And you had no right._

_Why do you do these things? Why do you hurt innocent people, and not seem to care? I don't understand the creature you've become._

_And I don't understand ... why do you still hate me, even when you know that it was Naraku who betrayed us both? Why is your heart still so black with hate?_

_Why did you embrace hatred so eagerly and so completely? Was it already there, beneath the surface? Did you ever truly love me? Or did you always hate the part of me that is demon?_

* * *

Some little distance from the village and Kaede's hut, Kikyo sat upon a hillside which overlooked the river. She was dressed once more in the traditional miko garb of white kimono and red hibakama, her expression upon Kagome's face again smooth and sad.

_I can no longer bear to be in his presence, after observing the demon which lives within him, the demon which **is** him. I did once think that he and I were the same, both fighting our humanity, but I never dreamed that he could be a beast such as this. No wish on the Shikon jewel could ever make that creature truly human._

_I was a naive fool to dream of a human life with you, Inu-Yasha. I did love you once, but I see now that I did not know your true self and loved only my own imaginings. And yet it was my foolish feelings for you which weakened my power to protect the Shikon jewel. If I had never met you, Naraku would never have been born._

_I no longer wish for you to fight Naraku by my side, no longer wish to live any human life with you when this is done. Your very nature is disgusting to me ... and yet I cannot leave your side before all is complete, for you shall unknowingly bring to me that which I need._

_The girl will return. She is a fool, just as I once was, and her love for you will draw her back to this place. And when she returns, I will at last complete this soul, and my power will then be great enough to crush Naraku._

_Will it pain you, to watch the girl die, and know that it was you who brought her to her doom? Will the guilt and remorse in your heart grow stronger, sharper, deeper? Will you see that you did not protect her from me, just as you did not protect me from Naraku?_

_Will the girl's death pain you? I do hope that it will._

_And when the girl is dead, when this soul is complete and Naraku has been destroyed, I shall return to take my final vengeance upon you as well, and you shall die as I died, with the pain of betrayal burning in your heart._

_Inu-Yasha, I died hating you, and so I cannot rest as long as you remain alive. Your life is mine to take, and I will never release you._

_Now, I need only wait until the girl returns, and brings with her the final piece of this soul._

* * *

When Sango and Shippo arrived at Koga's cave with Kirara, the wolf prince was ready for them. His sense of smell had detected their presence long before their actual arrival.

Standing with his arms crossed at the entrance to the cave, Koga said scathingly, "So ... some of Kagome's supposed 'friends' finally decided to show up, eh? I notice Inu-Yasha hasn't bothered to come."

Sango and Shippo glanced at each other in confusion before Shippo asked bluntly, "Why do you care what Inu-Yasha does?"

Koga's face fell and he looked away toward the inner part of the cave. When he turned back to face them again, his expression and voice had grown much less fierce. "When she does manage to sleep, she often says his name. But when she's awake, she never speaks of him. That mutt doesn't deserve her, but ... I know she wants to see him."

"May we see her?" asked Sango with obvious concern. "We've been looking for her for many days. We came here as soon as we learned where she was."

Shippo nodded eagerly from his perch on her shoulder. "Please let us see Kagome!"

Glancing again toward the inside of the cave, Koga hesitated briefly before telling them quietly, "She is very weak." But then they left Kirara curled up asleep near the entrance and Koga led the way to where Kagome lay upon layers of large furs that formed something resembling a shallow nest. Several large wolves lay around her, but at a word from Koga they stood and left. She still wore Kikyo's red-and-white miko clothing, and her eyes were closed.

"Kagome!" cried Shippo immediately, bursting into tears and leaping from Sango's shoulder into the nest, where he proceeded to hug Kagome with all his tiny strength. "We were so worried! We looked everywhere, but we couldn't find you!"

Kagome's eyes fluttered open, her expression confused but cautiously pleased. "Shippo?" she said softly, as if wondering if this were a dream. But her arms instinctively closed around the fox demon and hugged him. He noticed immediately that her hold had none of its usual gentle strength. And she still smelled wrong, but there was a very faint Kagome smell to her aura, and Shippo tried to find comfort in that.

Looking up, Kagome spied Sango and spoke her name, making an attempt to rise to standing, but it was clear that doing so would be difficult. Both Koga and Sango immediately urged her not to strain herself, and Sango instead sat by Kagome's side and took her hand, smiling encouragingly and trying not to let her true worried feelings show on her face.

"Sango, have you seen Inu-Yasha? How is he?" Kagome asked quietly. Koga abruptly walked away, back toward the entrance to the cave, where he stood looking out at the waterfall.

Sango squeezed Kagome's hand gently and assured her, "He is healing from his wounds. Kaede is using a tea to force him to sleep, so that he won't be so stubborn and tear his wounds open."

Kagome smiled weakly. "He can be so stupid."

Still curled up in the crook of Kagome's arm, Shippo asked worriedly, "Why are you so weak? Are you sick?"

"I think ... it's because I'm not absorbing souls," Kagome explained hesitantly. "I let all the souls go, and ... I just keep getting weaker. I think maybe ... maybe this body can't keep going without more souls."

Sango watched Kagome's face, growing increasingly concerned for her friend. "And you will not absorb souls, even to keep this body alive." It was not a question. Sango knew her friend better than that.

"No," Kagome said quietly.

"So what's gonna happen to you?" asked Shippo, his eyes wide with worry.

Kagome hesitated a long moment, faintly rubbing her fingers against the soft fur on top of Shippo's head. "Shippo ... may I talk to Sango alone for a minute?"

But Shippo shook his head vigorously. "No! You don't want me to know what's going on! Does that mean you're dying?" His eyes were rapidly filling with tears.

Kagome met Sango's sad eyes. The other woman had already lost so many people dear to her, she did not want to lose Kagome as well.

Sighing, Kagome explained weakly, "If it is a choice between stealing innocent souls ... and dying ... I would rather die. I don't want to become Kikyo. I'm me. I'm **Kagome**. And I would never do that. I would ... truly ... I would rather ... die."

Sango squeezed her hand tightly and said quietly, "I understand, Kagome. You are one of the kindest people I have ever met, and I know you would never wish to use others for your own gain. It is one of the things I admire most about you." Tears glistened in Sango's eyes, as well, though they did not fall.

"But I don't want you to die!" wailed Shippo, his own tears flowing freely. "Isn't there something else we can do? Isn't there some way to fix it?"

Still gently stroking his fur, Kagome explained apologetically, "I don't know what else to do, Shippo."

"Maybe Kaede knows!"

Kagome smiled gently and replied in a quiet voice, "Yes, perhaps. I would like it if you would take me back to her and Inu-Yasha."

"Hurray!" shouted Shippo. "I'm sure Kaede will know what to do!" He leapt up and ran to the front of the cave to wake Kirara to tell her the news that they would have another passenger on the return trip.

But Sango stayed, still holding Kagome's hand. "If you return and Lady Kikyo is still there," she said, watching Kagome's eyes, "she may draw out your soul."

Kagome only smiled faintly and said, "I know. But I need to see Inu-Yasha again before ... if I'm going to die, I have to see him first. I've never told him ... and I need to."

Sango nearly automatically asked, "Tell him what?" ... but she knew her friend too well, and instead remained silent a long moment, contemplating how many things had gone long unsaid in their traveling party. At length, she asked simply, "When would you like to leave?"

Squeezing her friend's hand weakly in thanks, Kagome replied, "As soon as possible."

Sango nodded and released Kagome's hand, rising to her feet and saying, "Let me tell Koga."

Kagome nearly argued that she should be the one to tell the wolf prince, but her weakness was such that she merely lay back upon the furs and nodded.

* * *

"No," insisted Koga, his arms crossed and his expression stubborn. "You aren't taking her. She's too weak. And if you take her back there Inu-Yasha's stupid miko bitch will suck her soul right out of her. You weren't there! You didn't see it!"

"I know, Koga, but ... if Kagome is truly dying ... does she herself not have the right to decide **where**?"

Koga watched the water falling just outside the cave, listening to the roar as it hit the rocks below, feeling the spray against his face. He knew Sango was right -- he himself would want the same right if he were dying -- but it was difficult to accept.

"Fine," he spat out after several moments had passed in silence. "But I'm going with you."

"No, Koga." Kagome's voice came from surprisingly nearby, for she had risen to her feet and walked toward them, though she wobbled unsteadily. Koga moved forward to help support her, and she gratefully rested against his side. She looked up at him and said quietly, "I don't want you to come, Koga. This is something I need to do on my own."

When Koga immediately opened his mouth to object, Kagome said, "Please respect my wishes. This is what I want."

Looking away, Koga clenched his jaw so that a muscle twitched angrily in his cheek. "Fine," he ground out.

"Thank you," Kagome said softly, and then rested her weight against his side more fully so that she could rise up far enough to gently kiss his cheek. He swallowed visibly, keeping his face averted. "Thank you for **everything** , Koga."

When Kagome turned toward Sango, she saw that her friend had gotten ready to leave, with Kirara already transformed. Koga said nothing as Sango helped Kagome onto the firecat's back and they walked closer to the cave's entrance.

Glancing back at the wolf prince who still would not meet her eyes, who still kept his face averted, Kagome said apologetically, "Good-bye, Koga." And with a leap through the spray they were suddenly gone.

As Kirara carried them away from the cave, away toward Kaede's hut, away toward Inu-Yasha, none of them saw the lone figure standing on a ledge to the side of the waterfall. None of them saw the tears in his blue eyes, or heard the hoarse words, "Good-bye, Kagome."


	11. Face To Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Japanese Terms**  
>  sutra \-- Not actually a Japanese word, since it comes from Sanskrit, this means something like "a teaching of the Buddha." In this context, "sutra magic" basically just means something like "Buddhist magic."  
> kokoro \-- Just a reminder, since this word pops up a lot in this chapter: "kokoro" translates variously as heart, mind, spirit, etc.

Inu-Yasha had been brooding in his tree for some time when Miroku came to fetch him. The afternoon sun was still bright, so that the monk was forced to shade his eyes with his hand when he peered up.

"Inu-Yasha!" Miroku called. But the hanyou ignored him. "Inu-Yasha! Lady Kaede and I need to speak with you about Kagome!"

Inu-Yasha's ears twitched, though he showed no other reaction. Only a moment later, however, he leapt to the ground beside Miroku, his arms crossed impatiently, his expression hostile. Miroku wondered briefly, _What could he have been thinking that has left him so defensive? Was it about Kikyo or Kagome? Or both?_

"Well?" asked Inu-Yasha crankily. "Where is the old crone?"

"I am here, Inu-Yasha," called Kaede from just outside the doorway of her hut. "Let us speak here, where there are stones to sit upon."

Inu-Yasha and Miroku went to her and Miroku sat upon one of the large stones against the wall of her hut. Inu-Yasha chose to stand, his arms crossed and tucked into his long sleeves, his face distant.

Sitting upon one of the stones, Kaede looked up at Inu-Yasha and said patiently, "This situation troubles you, Inu-Yasha. But know that it troubles your friends as well. You are not alone in this."

Relaxing slightly at her words, perhaps without realizing it, Inu-Yasha ignored the large stones and sat cross-legged upon the ground. "Well? What'd you wanna talk to me about?"

Exchanging a cautious glance with Kaede, Miroku looked at Inu-Yasha and asked quietly, "It is important that our conversation not be overheard by Lady Kikyo. Could you inform us if she draws near?"

Rolling his eyes, Inu-Yasha scoffed, "Of course. Even Shippo would be able to tell if her scent grew closer."

"That is well," replied Kaede. "The lord monk and I have been speaking of what must be done should Kagome return and Kikyo should once again attempt to absorb her soul."

"Even **Kagome** wouldn't be stupid enough to come back here after what happened last time." Inu-Yasha shook his head in scornful disbelief.

Again exchanging a glance with Kaede, Miroku replied, "You may underestimate Lady Kagome's loyalty to you, Inu-Yasha. It is very likely that she may return because you are here."

"Nobody's **that** stupid," scoffed Inu-Yasha. "Kagome may be dumb, but she's not a **complete** idiot." In his eyes, however, a concern was growing. It seemed Inu-Yasha had not considered this possibility.

 _It is fortuitous, then, that he has friends to help him,_ thought Miroku. _If we work together, we may be able to pull this off._

Kaede's voice was serious as she said, "We must consider the possibility that Kagome may return, and we must plan what shall be done if she does. It is certain that Kikyo will again attempt to absorb the remaining portion of Kagome's soul, and if she succeeds, she shall become even more dangerous than before."

"Kagome's soul," Kaede explained, "appears to have a power that surpasses even Kikyo's original soul. Even the demon sorceress Urasue -- who had far greater control over the kokoro magics than I have -- could not subdue or direct Kagome's soul. I have observed her aura for some time now, and I do believe that Kagome's soul is larger and more powerful than it was when it resided within Kikyo's body fifty years past. If Kikyo gains complete control over such a powerful soul, we may have no chance of stopping her."

Even Inu-Yasha looked worried now. "So what do we do?"

Miroku spoke calmly, "Lady Kaede and I have been discussing ways that we might use the kokoro magics to prevent Lady Kikyo from absorbing Kagome's soul."

"But if Kikyo defeats us," explained Kaede, "we may yet still save Kagome. If the soul leaves the clay body, Kagome's mind and heart shall rise to the heavens to find peace. Though souls often return to this earth, minds and hearts are unique to one individual life, and so they do not return. They walk only one life on this earth, unlike the soul's long path filled with change."

"I have long believed that Kagome's soul, heart, and mind are more tightly entwined than those of most, even more than many of spiritual power. I believe that this is why she behaves always according to her heart and soul, rather than masking her feelings as some do so well."

At the old woman's words, Inu-Yasha narrowed his eyes. _Why is the old hag looking at **me** when she says that?_

But Kaede paid his scowl no mind and continued, "This may help us. If Kikyo does succeed in absorbing the final piece of Kagome's soul, then we must act quickly. Kikyo must be somehow distracted so that she realizes not what we plan, and then we must attempt to use kokoro magics to place some small portion of soul back into the clay body, and use the soul to summon Kagome's mind and heart, allowing Kagome to live once more in Kikyo's body."

"Why don't you just switch 'em back?" asked Inu-Yasha impatiently.

Miroku explained, "Lady Kaede has some skill with the kokoro magics, but even our powers together would not allow us to challenge Lady Kikyo on such an advanced level. Even drawing Kagome's heart and mind back into the clay body may be difficult, because the bones and grave soul are not her own. But this is the best that we can do, under the circumstances."

"So what am I supposed to do?" Inu-Yasha snapped irritably. "Just stand around and watch?"

Kaede replied, "No, indeed, Inu-Yasha. All our efforts will be for naught if you fail in your task, for Kikyo will almost certainly immediately attempt to undo our work and reabsorb the portion of soul we have stolen. You must take Kagome away from this place as quickly as possible, take her far from Kikyo's reach."

"I won't fail, old woman," Inu-Yasha growled. Turning his face away as if to hide his expression, Inu-Yasha added quietly, "I'll take her to Koga."

Miroku exclaimed in shock, "Koga?" _But Inu-Yasha has always seemed so jealous of him! Why would he do this? Can he be so foolish as to believe that Lady Kagome loves the wolf demon, and not himself?_

"Yeah, Koga," Inu-Yasha replied grouchily. When a stunned silence met these words, Inu-Yasha eventually explained, still without turning his face back toward Kaede and Miroku, "Kikyo won't ever leave me alone, not until I die. No matter where I go, she'll eventually find me. She'll never forgive me, and she'll never stop." Inu-Yasha took a deep breath, and then slowly let it out. His throat worked as he swallowed, communicating the depth of his emotion even with his face averted. "If Kagome is with me, she'll constantly be in danger. Kikyo will constantly be a threat. But if Kagome stays with Koga, then ... then ... he can protect her. And ... I'll stay with Kikyo ... to try to make sure she never goes near Kagome again."

Miroku had just opened his mouth to reply when Inu-Yasha abruptly leapt to his feet, his golden eyes hard and determined, his mouth set in a grim line. "She's coming," he growled.

"Lady Kikyo?" asked Miroku, confused by Inu-Yasha's tense demeanor.

"No," replied Inu-Yasha tersely. "Kagome."

* * *

Inu-Yasha, Kaede, and Miroku were standing waiting when Kirara landed soon afterward. Sango helped Kagome to dismount, while Shippo leapt nimbly to the ground.

Before Kagome or anyone else could speak, Inu-Yasha stepped toward them and shouted, "What the fuck are you doing here, Kagome? Are you a complete idiot? Go back to Koga and stay there!"

Kagome only watched Inu-Yasha with a determined look on her face, though her eyes glistened with tears. "I know you don't want me here, Inu-Yasha, and I'm not going to get in the way. I just ... I needed to see you before..."

But Inu-Yasha wasn't looking at her. Instead he kept glancing anxiously toward the forest, toward the direction of the river. Glaring at Kagome again, he hissed, "Get out of here! Get away from me!"

Kagome flinched, wounded by his words. But the determination on her face had not changed. She had been resting against Kirara until this point, but she now began to walk unsteadily toward Inu-Yasha, whose eyes shone with fear. _What is he afraid of? Me?_

Noticing that Kagome's legs were not entirely stable beneath her, Inu-Yasha took another step toward her before stopping himself, glancing again into the forest. "Kagome!" he whispered urgently. "Please go!"

"Your neck is still bandaged," Kagome noticed, stepping even closer to him, close enough that she could raise a hand to hover near his throat wound, though she did not touch, not wanting to hurt him. But she did rest a hand on his chest to steady herself before looking up into his golden eyes.

"Kagome ... **please**..." he begged shamelessly.

"Inu-Yasha ... I never told you ... but I need for you to know..." Kagome looked down briefly in hesitation, but then raised her eyes to meet Inu-Yasha's again, an intensity on her face that he had never seen there before. "I love you, Inu-Yasha. And so, no matter where I am, you'll always be in my heart..."

And then all hell broke loose. Three things happened simultaneously. Inu-Yasha's mind reeled at Kagome's words, for they reminded him of his dreams, leaving him wondering what was real and what wasn't. Was Kagome really here? Or was he just dreaming again?

The second thing that happened was that Shippo leapt onto Kaede's shoulder and whispered to her, "Kagome's dying! Can you find a way to fix it?" Though the words were quiet enough to be heard by no one else, Inu-Yasha heard them and jerked his head around to stare in horror at the little fox demon.

And the third thing that happened, while Inu-Yasha's face was turned away, was that a voice said coldly, "How very touching."

Kikyo's voice. Or, to be precise, Kagome's voice speaking Kikyo's contemptuous words.

Inu-Yasha turned toward the voice, and saw Kikyo standing several yards away, near the edge of the forest. But she was already walking toward him. Inu-Yasha roughly pushed Kagome behind him and faced Kikyo squarely.

"Oh, how noble of you, Inu-Yasha, trying to protect that little girl from the effects of her own stupidity." Kikyo continued to walk serenely, drawing ever closer.

Behind him, Inu-Yasha heard Kaede whisper low to Shippo, "If Kikyo drains Kagome's soul, you and Sango must distract her." He did not hear the fox demon's response -- perhaps he only nodded -- but he did see from the corner of his eye that Shippo ran to jump onto Sango's shoulder.

_There's too many fucking things going on at the same time!_

"Inu-Yasha," murmured Kagome from behind him -- _Oh, perfect! Just one more thing to deal with._ \-- "you don't need to protect me. I know you're sworn to protect Kikyo, and I've never wanted you to have to choose. So, please, just let me go. I'll be all right."

"Fuck that!" growled Inu-Yasha. _She keeps talking like in my dreams. What the hell is going on here?_ He kept his eyes trained on Kikyo and commanded, "Just stay behind me, Kagome, and shut up!"

Kikyo smiled disdainfully. "I find it rather amusing, Inu-Yasha, that you try to protect this girl. You made no such effort to protect me from Naraku. Will you eventually betray her as you have betrayed me?"

"I never betrayed you!" shouted Inu-Yasha. "When are you going to get it through your head that Naraku betrayed us both?"

Eyeing him coldly, Kikyo replied, "You cannot deny that when Naraku deceived you, you immediately stole the Shikon jewel and terrorized the village. Is that not a betrayal of my trust?"

"And you showed up to kill me!" Inu-Yasha's patience was wearing thin. "I've never tried to kill you. NEVER."

But Kikyo merely waved a dismissively graceful hand. Kagome's hand, small and soft, but with calluses from all the work she had done since first falling through the well. Inu-Yasha knew that hand well, because it had given him food, treated his wounds, touched him gently in sympathy ... it was not right that Kikyo should use that hand to dismiss him. Inu-Yasha's heart clenched painfully.

Having Kikyo and Kagome in the same place was making things even more confusing, since both of their scents were in the air, and they both wore the traditional red-and-white miko clothing. But Inu-Yasha knew which one was truly Kagome. And he was going to defend her in any way possible.

"You truly believe that you can protect that weakling child from my power, Inu-Yasha? You were not able to protect her when I stole her body ... what makes you think you can stop me from stealing the rest of her soul?"

Inu-Yasha grimaced. Her words had hit home, for he still couldn't let go of his guilt that he had left Kagome alone, leaving her vulnerable to Kikyo's attack.

Suddenly, a crackling of power surged through the air, seeming to surround all of them, but focused most strongly around Kagome. "Oh!" Kagome gasped, and a blast of miko energy blew Inu-Yasha off his feet to land flat several yards away. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kaede and Miroku seated side-by-side, their eyes closed, their mouths moving in prayer or magic. _Please let them help Kagome!_

Kikyo and Kagome now stared at each other, dressed identically, their faces hauntingly similar. Kikyo smiled slightly. "So you say that you love Inu-Yasha, girl? Why do you torture yourself? No matter what I do to him, no matter what I do to **you** , no matter how much I hurt him, even after I have **destroyed** you, Inu-Yasha's heart will always belong to me."

Kagome's head hung low in defeated sorrow. Her voice was very small when she replied, "I know that."

Pulling himself to his feet, not bothering to brush himself off, Inu-Yasha shouted, "That's not true!"

Turning to look at the hanyou, Kikyo asked archly, "So you would betray me yet again, Inu-Yasha? Do you have so little honor?"

"Who are you to talk about honor, Kikyo? Which one of us is trying to kill an innocent woman?" Inu-Yasha attempted to walk forward, but a crackling spirit shield prevented him from getting close.

Kikyo raised her chin slightly. "Was I not innocent, too, Inu-Yasha?"

"Damn it!" he roared in frustration and fury. "I never fucking tried to kill you!"

Shaking her head, Kagome's thick hair moving gently in the breeze, Kikyo replied, "Perhaps not yet, but I have seen the beast within you, Inu-Yasha. The monster you hide from the world. The most dangerous demons are those who disguise themselves as human. You fooled me once, but no longer, Inu-Yasha."

"And, as for this 'innocent' girl," Kikyo continued disdainfully, "her heart by now has been tainted with the pain of that unliving body and its paltry portion of soul. It will truly be a mercy to put her out of her misery."

And as those words were uttered, it was as if a tornado had set upon the clearing, wind whipping in circles, bright white light emanating from the clay body that housed Kagome's mind and heart. Kagome screamed, high and helpless. And then, with a loud whooshing noise and an intensification of the winds, the white light streamed from the false body to the human one.

In the stunned silence that followed, Kikyo's clay body slumped to the ground, lifeless, the eyes empty.

* * *

Miroku saw the body fall, and knew immediately that Kagome's heart and mind were free to rise to the heavens. Kagome was, for all intents and purposes, dead. Now there was only Kikyo.

But if Kikyo could be sufficiently distracted, their plan could still work. Miroku would gather Kagome's mind and heart, and hold them with his sutra magics until Kaede could steal a portion of soul to return to the clay form. Then they could use the kokoro magics to summon Kagome's mind and heart once more into the body, and she would live again. There would be other problems to be addressed afterward, but first they needed to bring Kagome back before her mind and heart were irretrievably gone. He and Kaede together did not have the power to draw them back from the heavens if they rose so far.

While Miroku and Kaede continued their prayers, their faces strained with effort, Sango and Shippo sprang into action. "Divide and conquer!" shouted Shippo, throwing several leaves into the air, each of which transformed into his shape.

"How droll," smirked Kikyo. "You think such tricks would fool me?" With a wave of her hand, she sent blue light blasting at the true Shippo, easily knocking him unconscious and causing the other Shippos to vanish instantly. "Still, I must admit that, given the situation, your choice to produce **doubles** is rather amusing."

While Shippo had been using his leaves, Sango had been stepping into position to use her large demon-bone boomerang. She held it high, ready to throw, but her affection for her friend had caused her to hesitate, and so she had not even thrown it yet when she too was blasted by Kikyo's magics, flying backward and landing flat with her flesh smoking from burns.

"What was that you were saying about **me** being a monster, Kikyo?" Inu-Yasha stepped forward, his fingers curling and uncurling as he flexed his claws. His eyes were filled with rage. _If you're going to blast somebody, Kikyo, blast me. I'm the one you hate. Leave my fr-- ... everyone else alone._ "You spent so long protecting that damned jewel, being the 'special' priestess, that you really believe you're better than everyone else, don't you?"

Turning to face him, Kikyo replied coldly, "You know nothing of my struggle, Inu-Yasha. I once believed that you might understand, but I now see that we are nothing alike."

Crossing his arms insolently, making sure never to glance toward the monk and the old woman, Inu-Yasha scoffed insolently, "Oh, really? So ... if you're this great priestess ... how do you justify devouring innocent women's souls in order to keep yourself alive?"

A wind began to rise, sending Kikyo's hair -- _Kagome's hair_ , Inu-Yasha instinctively corrected himself -- flowing. "You would be unwise to challenge me, Inu-Yasha. I now possess power you cannot begin to understand."

Strolling with false casualness, Inu-Yasha goaded her again, attempting to hold her attention. "And how do you justify wanting to drag me to hell? Is that something that all priestesses do, or is it only the **extra-special** ones?"

Her eyes narrowed, the wind whipping around her more and more quickly, Kikyo spat, "I will do whatever is necessary to have my vengeance, just as you do."

Shaking his head, his long white hair billowing in the wind that was now raging through the clearing, Inu-Yasha shouted to be heard. "Now, see, I wouldn't kill innocent people in order to get my revenge. So which one of us is the real monster here? Which one of us is the beast?"

Kikyo shrieked and sent a blast of blue light slicing through the wind to explode Inu-Yasha backward. But even when he landed, he still spoke, though his voice was grimly laced with pain. "It's easy to be good and pure when you have nothing to overcome. But when you're faced with real choices ... that's when the proof comes. And that's where you **fail**." His voice had grown increasingly weak, but he still attempted to struggle to his feet, only for Kikyo to blast him again.

As Inu-Yasha dazedly attempted -- and failed -- to rise once more, his chest burned and smoking heavily, Kikyo's head suddenly snapped up, and she turned to look at Miroku and Kaede with narrowed eyes. "How dare you?" she spat contemptuously. "I see what you are doing, your paltry attempt to thwart me."

Miroku and Kaede spoke quietly but quickly, whispering the final words of their magics, while the dark priestess smugly strode forward. And as Kikyo stepped scornfully onto the clay body, shattering it into a pile of shards and red-and-white cloth, Inu-Yasha cried out in horror, "Kagome!"

But the miko's smug smile immediately vanished, replaced on her face by a momentary flash of shocked confusion and disbelief. And then her human body slumped to the ground, landing limp among the shards of earth and bone.

* * *

Silence stretched afterward. Kaede and Miroku were both drained from the power of the magics they had commanded, and the others were physically injured by Kikyo's blasts of miko energy.

It was Inu-Yasha who struggled to his feet first, staggering to where Kagome's body lay among the shards of Kikyo's. His eyes were large and lost. "Kagome?" he whispered. But in the next breath he had turned to face Miroku and Kaede, demanding harshly, "What the hell happened? I thought you were going to put Kagome back in that body! You said you were going to bring her back!" If he had realized that tears were glistening in his eyes, he most likely would have leapt into a tree to hide his expression, but his thoughts were all on Kagome.

"The spell did not go as planned," explained Miroku as his strength began to return to him. He stayed seated, however, as did Kaede. It would take time for the draining effects of the spell to dissipate.

"Well no shit!" growled Inu-Yasha. "Now there's only one body, and Kikyo's got it! But why did she just collapse like that?" Inu-Yasha stood looking down on Kagome's body, not touching it, sadly recognizing her scent and gazing at her familiar features, now slack in unconsciousness or something like it.

"I believe I can explain what has happened," offered Kaede, sounding even older than usual, her voice weak and quavering. "Lord Miroku had summoned Kagome's heart and mind, and we had nearly completed our spell at the moment Kikyo shattered the empty shell. There was nowhere for Kagome's heart and mind to go, but her body and soul called to her to reunite with them. Doubtless she would nonetheless have dispersed to the heavens, except that ... Inu-Yasha ... you spoke her name at the last moment, and so she did not leave."

"What the fuck does that mean, 'she didn't leave'? Where is she?"

Gazing at Kagome's body lying in the pile of clay shards, Kaede said solemnly, "I believe that Kagome's heart and mind joined once more with her body and soul, despite Kikyo's presence there ... and so her body fell because it cannot obey two different masters. Two hearts and two minds occupying the same body and commanding the same soul would cause paralysis."

Nodding in comprehension, Miroku added quietly, "Until one of them achieves dominance."

"Yes," said Kaede. "We should carry her inside, for this may take some time."

"Can't you help her?" demanded Inu-Yasha. "Use your magics or something, to help Kagome win?"

Kaede only shook her head. "This is beyond our control, Inu-Yasha. Kagome should have more power in this body than Kikyo, because this is her own body and her own soul. Kikyo has only been borrowing them, for even the soul has changed to become uniquely Kagome's. But Kagome must fight this battle alone, and we must simply give her time to fight to live."

* * *

Hours later, Kagome's body remained paralyzed and unconscious, though it did twitch occasionally, as if in some slight sign of the battle that waged within. Inu-Yasha sat cross-legged beside her, watching her face with worry and hope. Miroku, Sango, Shippo, and Kaede had all been keeping similar vigils, rarely leaving the hut lest some change occur in their absence. They all sat about the hut, Shippo sometimes curling with Kirara, sometimes seeking comfort from Sango, and sometimes even leaning against Inu-Yasha's thigh. It was a sign of Inu-Yasha's deep disquiet that he did not even bother to swat the kitsune away.

"Why is this taking so long?" he growled at no one in particular.

Kaede replied with concern clear in her voice, "I do not know. Perhaps the battle for Kagome's body and soul is more complicated than we had imagined. It may be true that Kagome's heart has been corrupted by the pain of the unliving body. If she has lost belief in herself and refuses to fight, then Kikyo **will** win control, though it shall take more time."

From the far side of the hut, Sango said softly, "Kagome may refuse to fight if she believes that it is what Inu-Yasha wishes. She ... she loves him. If she believes that he prefers Kikyo, she may wish to give him what he desires, instead of fighting for her own survival."

Ignoring the reference to Kagome's feelings, because that was just too complicated to think about right now, Inu-Yasha insisted, "She can't be **that** stupid, can she?" But Inu-Yasha remembered words from his dreams. _You're with Kikyo now, Inu-Yasha. It's what you've always wanted, and I'm glad for you. I only ever wanted for you to be happy. I never want you to have to choose._ No! Could she really believe that was what he wanted? "Well ... fuck! How do I tell her I want her to fight?"

Kaede looked pensive for a long moment. Then she looked intensely at Inu-Yasha and asked, "You spoke of dreams of Kagome. Do you believe that they were Kagome reaching out to you?"

"Hell, I don't know. Maybe? I don't understand all this magic shit." Despite the heat in his words, Inu-Yasha was still gazing down at Kagome's face worriedly.

"I ask, Inu-Yasha, because it seems clear that your souls are linked, from Kikyo's lifetime into Kagome's lifetime. That link is strong. If you and Kagome are also linked in your hearts, then there may be something we can do to help you communicate with her, even now."

Inu-Yasha growled impatiently, then said, "Fine. It's worth a try, right? Just tell me what to do."

Kaede asked somberly, "Are you sure you wish to do this, Inu-Yasha? If Kagome achieves control of her body, I do not know what will happen to Kikyo's heart and mind contained within."

Inu-Yasha finally turned to look at the old woman, his eyes tired but determined. "Any loyalty I owed to Kikyo is served already. She freed me from my oath of protection when she stole Kagome's body, because I won't protect her from the results of her own evil deeds. If Kagome is in trouble, I'll do what I can to help her, and Kikyo be damned." _Literally._

Nodding slightly, Kaede said firmly, "Then let us begin."


	12. Mind To Mind

Everyone was gathered in the hut as Kaede quickly and efficiently dressed the burns on Inu-Yasha's chest. He had insisted that they shouldn't take time for such an unnecessary thing, but Kaede had been just as insistent that they treat his wound before he exerted more energy through the spell she planned to cast.

"So, what do I need to do?" he asked, impatient to get started. _What if Kikyo gets control while we're wasting time like this?_

Finishing up the bandaging around Inu-Yasha's torso, Kaede explained, "If your hearts and souls are already linked, we may be able to link your minds, as well. It would require that your bodies be linked..."

"Ah!" interrupted Miroku with an understanding nod. "We must give them privacy for this, then."

"What?" screeched Inu-Yasha, blushing furiously. "No! She's not talking about **that** , you pervert!" But then Inu-Yasha cast a nervous glance at Kaede. "You **aren't** talking about that, right?"

Kaede patiently reassured him, "You need only bring your bodies very near to each other. Holding her close to you should be enough to define a link. For the kokoro magics to work in this case, we must ensure that your hearts, souls, and bodies are linked before we attempt to link your minds."

"Let's go, then. While we're waiting around, who knows what's going on in there." Inu-Yasha gazed across the room at Kagome's body, which lay unmoving on a sleeping mat. Sango and Shippo sat beside her, their faces worried and strained. They'd both been injured, but had not yet treated their burns, because they refused to leave Kagome's side.

Inu-Yasha stood and walked to Kagome, picking her limp body up into his arms, then settling himself cross-legged with his back against the wall. Sango and Shippo moved out of the way as Kaede and Miroku approached and sat cross-legged on the floor, facing him.

Inu-Yasha shifted Kagome's weight in his arms, bringing her rear to nestle comfortably in the hollow created by his legs. He wrapped one arm across her back, reaching up so that his fingers reached almost to her nape, allowing him to apply pressure to the entire length of her back, pulling her tightly against his own bare chest, which was dressed only in bandages. He winced at the pain, but did not pause. His other hand rose up to press her head to his shoulder, his fingers tangling in her dark hair just as they had done so many times in his dreams. He breathed in her scent, and then asked Kaede, "Is this close enough?"

The old woman nodded, and then she and Miroku began to chant softly. Their powers had been greatly taxed by their battle against Kikyo, but their determination seemed to serve them well as a crackling power began to fill the room.

* * *

So how am I supposed to know if the damned spell worked or not? What, am I just supposed to sit here and see what happens? I hate shit like this. Give me Tetsusaiga and let me cut something to ribbons ... **that's** a good day. I hate shit that makes me feel like I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Even if the spell works, how am I supposed to...

_Inu ... Yasha?_

Uh ... Kagome?

_This must be a dream._

No, it's me. I'm really here. I came to tell you to fight.

_Fight? Fight what?_

Kikyo. I don't understand all of it, but I guess you and Kikyo are both inside there right now, and you have to fight to get control of the body.

_What are you talking about? I'm dead._

No, you fucking well are not! You can still come back, if you'll just fight for it. Gods! Why does she have to be so fucking dense?

_I'm not dense, Inu-Yasha. And I can hear everything you're thinking._

What? No you can't. ... You can't hear this. I'm thinking of ... uh ... ramen!

_You're thinking of ramen._

Fuck! You can really hear **everything** I think?

_I guess so. I'm not sure why._

Shit! Don't think about watching her bathe! Don't think about what she looks like naked! Don't think about what I do by myself sometimes when I think about what she looks like naked! Don't think about...

_INU-YASHA!_

Fuck! The more I try not to think about stuff, the more I can't get it out of my head!

_I had no idea you thought about me that way._

Yeah, well, I **don't**!

_Uh huh._

Well, I didn't **want** you to know, did I? I don't want you to know now, either, but I don't really have a choice.

_It's okay, Inu-Yasha. I know it doesn't mean anything._

Exactly! Wait. What do you mean 'it doesn't mean anything'?

_I know you love Kikyo, Inu-Yasha._

Well, yeah, I did. A long time ago.

_And now that she's human again, you can have the life together that you always wanted. I don't have anywhere I belong anymore. I can't even go through the well to go back home to my family. And the family I had here is all gone now._

What are you babbling about, you brainless twit? We're all still here. We've all been fighting like hell to save you.

_Now I know you're a dream._

Kagome, you idiot, I am **not** a fucking dream!

_Inu-Yasha, you really don't have to pretend anymore. I never wanted you to have to choose, because I knew that the choice was already made._

Yeah, it was. A long time ago.

_I know. It's okay. I'll be all right, Inu-Yasha._

Gods! You're so fucking stupid! Don't you even want to know what my choice was?

_I told you, Inu-Yasha. I already know. It's okay._

Okay, look ... when I first met you, I was pissed as hell. I pretty much hated the whole world.

_I remember._

But I'm different now, right? I mean, in here you can hear everything I think, so I can't really hide from that fact. I've changed. Right?

_I guess so._

Well, that's because of you, you big idiot. See, before I met you, Kikyo was the only person who had ever been kind to me, the only person who ever made me feel like maybe I wasn't alone.

_I know, Inu-Yasha. That's why you love her, right?_

Yeah, I think that's why I loved her. But you're not listening to me, Kagome. Because Kikyo didn't change me ... **you** did.

_I don't understand. How did I change you?_

You're so fucking stubborn, you just wouldn't give up on me. No matter how sure I was that humans hated me, that everyone hated me and I was all by myself in the world ... you just kept staying with me, fighting for me, crying for me, talking to me, trying to get me to talk to you.

_I knew you were just acting tough, and that you probably were lonely deep down._

You were right, even though it drove me crazy and made me act pretty rude most of the time. It was scary to have someone really start to know me well. Kikyo and I never really talked very much, and she never really knew me. If she knew me, she would have known I wouldn't betray her. In the same situation, if Naraku pulled the same trick on us, I don't think you would believe it was really me.

_Of course not! I know you would never hurt me on purpose, Inu-Yasha!_

See? You kept getting to know me, how I really felt underneath all the big talk. And that was scary as hell to me.

_Why?_

Because if you really knew me, if anyone really knew me, then I might get hurt. I didn't want you to know how to hurt me.

_But I would never hurt you, Inu-Yasha._

Well, I started to figure that out. And that was scary, too. Because I'd never truly trusted anybody, not since my mother died. You were the first. And that scared the hell out of me, Kagome.

_Why? I don't understand._

Because it couldn't be true. You can't really accept me the way I am. I mean, look at how Kikyo reacted when she saw me transformed. She was **disgusted**.

_Have I ever acted disgusted by you, Inu-Yasha?_

Uh ... no.

_That's because I'm not._

But you've seen me when I'm nothing but a weak human, and you've seen me when I'm a mindless demon ... and you still didn't leave me. It still ... I still don't understand it. Not really.

_It's because I love you, Inu-Yasha._

But how **can** you?

_I don't know. I just do._

How can you love a **demon**?

_Inu-Yasha, I have seen you at your best and at your worst and I still love you. I would still die for you. I love you because of who you are, Inu-Yasha. So stop being stupid and acting like I could only love you in **spite** of who you are._

I can't ever tell you about my feelings for you.

_Why not?_

Because I don't have any right.

_What do you mean, 'right'?_

I know that your real life is in the future, and I don't have any right to try to make you stay here ... with me.

_If you need me here, Inu-Yasha, I'll stay. I've told you already that I'll stay with you, even though you're with Kikyo now._

Fuck! Enough about Kikyo! This has nothing to do with her!

_I only want you to be happy, Inu-Yasha._

Gods! Quit being such a wimp, Kagome! You've always met me on equal ground and shouted at me until my ears rang. Don't just give up like some damned coward!

_Give up? Inu-Yasha, I already lost. I'm dead._

No, you are not fucking **dead**! I already told you that, but you never fucking listen! You just have to fight.

_Fight what?_

I don't know! I just know that you have to want to live, you have to at least try, at least fight! Because there are people out there who love you and don't want to lose you.

_Really?_

Yeah. They're the same damned people you dragged into **my** life. I never had friends before, never really had a family, but you ... you made me feel like I had a place in the world, Kagome. I never thought people could like me ... but you made me see that they could, though I have no idea why. You made me see that people weren't as bad as I thought, and now I have all these **people** in my life, all these ... friends. People who fight beside me and care if I'm hurt and ... and they're your friends, too, Kagome. And they're all waiting for you.

_But what about Kikyo?_

Fuck Kikyo! None of us would rather have Kikyo than you. We all want you with us, Kagome. So quit wasting time and take control of your own damned body.

_Even you, Inu-Yasha? You want me with you?_

Kagome ... when Kikyo died ... she changed. She isn't the person I loved anymore. I still felt like I owed it to her to be there for her and avenge her death ... but ... that's all. I haven't loved her in a really long time.

_But ... I thought your choice was made long ago..._

It was. Kagome ... I'll never be worthy to be with you. So my feelings don't matter. I'm just a hanyou, and I don't understand much about your world, and I know you'll go back there when we've defeated Naraku...

_Inu-Yasha?_

What?

_How do you feel about me?_

I shouldn't tell you. It isn't fair to you.

_Inu-Yasha, how do you feel about me?_

You say you love me, but eventually you'll leave. Eventually you'll leave me.

_Inu-Yasha, how do you feel about me?_

No no no no no no no. Not thinking it not thinking it ...

_Why won't you tell me? Is it so terrible?_

Right now, you could hurt me more than any other person in the world. But if I tell you ... if I tell you ... then you could **destroy** me.

_Do you think I would do that?_

Not on purpose, no. But you'll leave. It's best if I don't tell you, because if I tell you and then you leave anyway ... that'll be much worse than having you leave without me saying anything.

_Inu-Yasha, I love you._

Yeah, you said that before.

_When?_

In my dreams. And then just before Kikyo attacked you the last time.

_How could I tell you in my dreams?_

The old woman said ... she said your heart was reaching out to mine while we slept.

_Do you think my heart would lie?_

Uh ... I guess not.

_I love you, Inu-Yasha. I really do._

I'm scared.

_It's okay, Inu-Yasha. You don't have to tell me. I understand._

What do you understand?

_It's hard when someone tells you they love you, and you don't feel the same way. It's hard to figure out what to say. I'm sorry I put you in that position._

Hell, Kagome! How dense are you, anyway?

_I told you, I am NOT dense! And if you won't tell me then how am I supposed to know what's going on? Even in your own **thoughts** you're stubborn and uncommunicative!_

...

_Great. Now you're not even thinking. Trying to shut me out, even here?_

I ... love you, okay?

_What?_

I said ... I love you.

_No you don't._

FUCK! Kagome, what the hell is your problem? I do too love you, so quit being such an idiot!

_Why?_

Hell, I don't know. Right now all I want to do is wring your neck.

_..._

Are you laughing?

_..._

Shut up! Quit laughing!

_Sorry, Inu-Yasha. It was just ... so romantic..._

Quit laughing, you brat.

_You really love me, Inu-Yasha?_

Yeah. I guess I do.

_I love you, too._

Yeah, I figured that out.

* * *

Suddenly, Inu-Yasha found that he was blinking his eyes, awake and aware in the hut once more, with four faces staring at him. Only Kirara seemed unconcerned, curled up asleep beside his hip.

"What happened?" he asked blearily, glancing around in confusion.

Miroku admitted, "We had hoped that you would know."

And then Kagome's body began to struggle weakly against Inu-Yasha's constricting embrace. His eyes wide and apprehensive, he slowly loosened his hold. Her face still gently pressed against his haori, Kagome murmured quietly, "My heart ... it's **beating**. I can hear my heart beating."

Turning her face to gaze dazedly out at the others, Kagome asked tentatively, "Am I alive?"

Inu-Yasha turned her head so that he could look into her eyes, searching for some sign, and then he said softly, "Kagome?"

"Well, yeah. Duh. Wow! I feel like I got hit by a truck!" Kagome tried to stretch her aching body, but Inu-Yasha was still holding her firmly.

"What's a truck?" Shippo whispered to Sango, but the demon exterminator only shrugged.

Everyone was smiling cautiously now. What exactly had happened? And was it finished now, or was there more to come?

Kaede said calmly, "I felt a pulse of power just before Kagome woke. It felt like a purifying surge."

"What does that mean?" asked Sango, watching her friend with concern.

"It means," said a calm voice which all recognized with horror, "that Kagome's self became once again intertwined and whole: body, soul, heart, and mind. And when this happened, she unknowingly purified my corrupted heart, just as she once purified the corrupted Shikon jewel within her body."

"K-Kikyo?" Inu-Yasha stuttered disbelievingly, letting go of Kagome's body so that he only barely supported her with one hand on her back. What had happened? He had been so certain that it was Kagome who had woken up!

"Do not worry, Inu-Yasha. Kagome is merely giving me an opportunity to make my peace before I depart this world once more. She would still allow me control of the body if you wish it, however."

"No!" cried Inu-Yasha quickly. "It's Kagome's body!"

The smile on Kagome's face was small and sad. It was Kikyo's smile. "I knew your heart already, Inu-Yasha, but your beloved did not. She begins to accept, however."

Inu-Yasha uncomfortably said, "I did love you once, Kikyo. I loved you very much."

"I know that, Inu-Yasha. And I loved you as well. But we did not know each other's minds and hearts as well as we might have. If we had, none of this would have happened." She paused a moment and then continued, "But perhaps all of this needed to happen, or you would not have met the one your heart truly loves."

"I'm sorry, Kikyo," Inu-Yasha said quietly. "I never meant to betray you."

But Kikyo smiled gently and said, "You never did betray me, Inu-Yasha. It was only the hatred of my corrupted heart that said you had. I see now how Naraku deceived us both, and how our love was twisted to hate. But **your** heart survived, Inu-Yasha. Never be sorry for that. I would not wish you a life of pain and loneliness."

"I swear to you that I will avenge your death!" Inu-Yasha said grimly. "I will defeat Naraku! And I will never forget you."

Kikyo's smile was still gentle when she replied, "And I shall defeat Naraku by your side, for some small part of me lives on in this woman's soul. And I know you will always honor your oath to protect me ... by protecting her."

Inu-Yasha pressed a gentle kiss to Kagome's forehead, his farewell to Kikyo, and she once again smiled serenely, her eyes softer than he had seen them in fifty years.

Looking away toward Kaede, Kikyo asked, "I trust you will gather the shards baked of my bones and grave earth, sister? I would have them buried once more."

Kaede nodded and replied respectfully, "Of course, Kikyo."

"Thank you," Kikyo said quietly.

And then Kagome's eyes closed and her body relaxed in Inu-Yasha's arms. A faint white light rose from her body and left through the door. When it reached the outside, it was joined by several soul skimmers that had emerged from the forest, their long cold bodies twining around the shimmering light as if in farewell. When the light rose up, the soul skimmers lingered a long moment until the glow had disappeared above, and then the demons slithered and wound their way through the forest, their service to their mistress finally truly complete.

Inside the hut, Kagome's body roused in Inu-Yasha's arms once again, but her eyelids were heavy. She leaned trustingly against Inu-Yasha's chest, one hand at his waist tangling in his long white hair without even realizing it. She murmured sleepily, "Gosh, I'm so tired! I just want to sleep for a week!"

Inu-Yasha, his own body exhausted by the magics as well, held her close and said quietly, "Sleep, Kagome. It's okay. I've got you." And so they both closed their eyes, falling to sleep quickly, leaving their friends to quietly creep away to let them rest.


	13. Epilogue: First Kiss

Kagome woke in darkness, but it was not the dark silence of the forest or her lonely hut in Tanaka's village. Instead, she woke to darkness, warmth, and the quiet sound of her heart beating.

_My heart really **is** beating! I thought maybe it was a dream._

Attempting to lift her head to glance at her shadowy surroundings, Kagome felt arms tighten around her, a hand pressing her cheek to the warm skin of a bare shoulder. The strength of his arms, the scent of his skin, the quiet sound of his sleeping breath, the soft feel of his hair brushing against her fingers where her hand rested against the side of his waist...

_Inu-Yasha!_

As she relaxed trustingly into the hanyou's embrace, Kagome listened to his heart beating slow and steady while he slept.

_It's been a long time since I really felt safe. But I do now. I do with you._

* * *

The next few days passed quickly. Kagome remained tired and drained, which Kaede speculated was a result of the sheer intensity of magics that had surrounded her recently. Her soul, apparently, needed to recover.

And so Kagome spent much of her time sleeping. When she was awake, she cuddled with Shippo and talked with the others who hovered around her in concern. She was uncharacteristically reluctant to talk about her time away from the group, however. The sadness and pain she had experienced while in Kikyo's body was something she didn't know how to explain, and she didn't want her friends to feel bad for her. Instead, she smiled and talked with them of wanting to go home to visit her family and other unrelated things, though Miroku and Sango's curiosity was silently obvious. Shippo, at least, was easy to reassure, since all he wanted was affection.

Inu-Yasha, on the other hand, seemed terribly skittish, always avoiding eye contact and sitting as far from Kagome as possible without losing sight of her. Kagome wondered why he wouldn't talk to her, but whenever she tried to ask, he fled. She thought perhaps he was staying away from her because he was embarrassed about the thoughts they'd shared during the spell, but it still hurt her feelings. _I've been away from him for so long, and now he won't even **look** at me?_

One morning, she woke early, while the others were all still sleeping, and felt a bit stronger than she had the day before. She could hear birds singing outside, and suddenly wanted to see the world again ... she wanted to see it with her own eyes. Not Kikyo's eyes ... **Kagome's** eyes.

* * *

Inu-Yasha woke with a jolt. Something was wrong. He immediately glanced at Kagome's sleeping bag ... and found it empty. His heart thumping anxiously in his chest, he ran outside, clutching Tetsusaiga in his right hand.

"Kagome?" he cried, knowing that he was probably waking the village, but not caring. _What if something's happened to her again? I would never forgive myself. Never._

Detecting her scent in the air, Inu-Yasha ran toward it, through the trees and into a small clearing less than a mile from Kaede's hut. Several yards away, Kagome stood in her green-and-white school uniform, her hair gently billowing in the breeze, her head back as she gazed up at the clear blue sky.

"Kagome!" sighed Inu-Yasha in relief, and she turned in surprise at the sound of his voice. When she saw him, though, she smiled the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen in his life.

_Gods, I missed that smile! I thought I was never going to see it again!_

He walked toward her, the tall grasses brushing his bare feet and the red fabric of his hakama. His heart began to slow from its frantic pace, but he still shouted, "What the hell are you doing out here, wandering off by yourself? Some damned demon could have shown up ... and you don't even have your arrows!"

"Inu-Yasha," she smiled even brighter, "you were worried about me?"

He crossed his arms, tucking his hands into his long sleeves and looking away. The silence stretched, and at length Kagome again turned her face toward the sky, her eyes wide with wonder and happiness. "Isn't it all incredibly beautiful?"

Inu-Yasha glanced back at her, his golden eyes shy. "Yeah," he murmured quietly. "Beautiful."

Turning toward him, Kagome began walking slowly, the tall grasses brushing against her white socks. She looked right into Inu-Yasha's eyes, and he found that he couldn't look away, though the prolonged eye contact brought a blush to his face.

"Thank you for saving me," she said softly.

That made him look away, and so he turned his head and stared guiltily at the grass in the distance. "Nothing bad would have happened to you in the first place if I hadn't run off and left you alone."

Kagome was close enough to touch now, and she rested her palm against his cheek, turning his face so that she could meet his eyes again. "I wasn't alone, Inu-Yasha. And you can't protect me every single minute."

Glaring at her, he grumbled, "I can try!"

But she laughed lightly, and the sound of her laugh relaxed him that much more. _Her scent ... her smile ... her laugh ... Kagome, I missed you so much!_

"Don't worry, Inu-Yasha. I always feel safe with you."

"Yeah, what kind of moron are you, walking up to me when I was transformed? You couldn't even 'sit' me!" Inu-Yasha shook his head in disgust.

But Kagome only rolled her eyes. "I knew you wouldn't hurt me, silly. You would never hurt me."

It was so similar to some of what had passed between them when their minds were connected that it made Inu-Yasha nervously begin to take a step backward away from Kagome, but when he saw hurt flash briefly in her eyes he somehow found himself stepping forward, instead. Somehow found himself sliding his hands through her hair to cup the back of her head as he lowered his lips to hers, his eyes fluttering closed as he reveled in this first kiss.

Her lips were warm and soft against his, and she made a small sound as he kissed her, like a sigh or a moan. Her arms rose to twine themselves around his neck, burrowing under his hair and gently pulling him even closer. Inu-Yasha wrapped his arms around her and held her close, listening to her heart beating quickly, racing with his own.

Eventually, he pulled his lips from hers in order to pant for breath. His mouth slightly open, his lips rubbed red, his golden eyes soft and warm as he looked down into her face, he couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't sound stupid. But then Kagome burrowed close, nestling against his chest, and he simply held her tight.

_________________________________________

**The End**


End file.
